Aging in the Kink Lifestyle

It’s been on my mind to start 2 support groups: 1 for female survivors of trauma that are in the kink lifestyle, another one for women aging in the community.

I’ve been wanting to create a survivors groups for years now. Recently, I’ve had people ask me specifically to do something like that. I’ll have to give it a little more thought, as my schedule is so damn full. But, I can certainly see the benefit of it.

As for the women aging in the community…..at first I was all for it. Though, thinking that I wouldn’t be allowed to do it because I’d want it to be for females….bio females, only. There is a difference between the experience of bio females and trans females. Not good or bad …..just different. I’d be very supportive of a trans group starting to support each other, but need a group of bio females for the support that I need.

I’ve put off creating the group, because I know there is going to be an outcry of not being inclusive. I need to figure out if it’s something I’m willing to fight for. For the trauma group, I’d absolutely fight for it. And if I can’t have it at the Space because of it being exclusive, I’d just have it at my house.

With the aging group, I’ve been thinking about it and just brought it up with my husband again. We talked about it on my last drive to Chicago and I wanted to talk about it again on this drive. The first discussion was me being outraged at the idea of feeling like I couldn’t start the group because people with penis’s would have an issue. I know that’s not politically correct …and I probably shouldn’t say it that way. How about I say it as, ‘people that were brought up and socialized as males.’ There is a big difference with our experiences.

Regardless, how I feel about inclusion/exclusion, my husband and I talked about how the group would probably cover the ideas of the clues that we are getting old. Losing our sex drive, not feeling that we should be so kinky at our age, etc. etc. Then, it struck us both at the same time, that since I haven’t reached the point of losing my sex drive yet, would I start identifying with those that do, and make it happen. So, my thought at the moment is, I’m not the right person to lead that group yet……maybe later.

Instead, I should find older people that haven’t lost their sex drive and find being in the kink community as a fun place to be, not letting their ages affect them. I have some people in mind. I’d like to start hanging out with them more often. I don’t want to consider myself old. Someone else will have to run that group if it’s needed.

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