Feb 2015

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Sunrise, back on the Shore leads to Homesickness.....


unrise over snow covered oc beach copy

Someone on my facebook from back home on the Shore, posted this picture of the Pier, during sunrise with the snow on the beach. It makes me homesick. Not that I’ve ever seen snow on the beach. I rarely went to the beach when it was cold. I can remember a couple times visiting, and having to wrap in a blanket, but not with snow.

Now, I’m homesick. I didn’t get to go home last summer because the sister that I stay with, isn’t speaking to me any more. I doubt I’ll go back this summer because I don’t have the time off and her and I still aren’t talking. Though, I could get a hotel easy enough, goodness knows I have enough hotel points….it just won’t be the same. She is the one that I went to go visit. I only say the other siblings because they would come see me while I was at her house. They’ve never made a point to come visit me and I doubt they’d want to get together if I went there and wasn’t at my one sisters house. I haven’t heard from any of them since she stopped speaking to me. Her son reaches out to me every now and then to keep me updated with her health. But, that’s it.

So, what am I homesick for? The relationship with my parents was never worth building. I was doing all the work, expending energy, and getting nothing in return. And who wants to have a relationship with their main perp and his enabler anyway? Most of my cousins have moved. And now the siblings that I worked so hard to build relationships with, don’t talk to me because one of them stopped. Funny enough, I still don’t know what I did to cause that to happen. She doesn’t return my calls when I try to check in on her. She posts on facebook that she can’t believe some of her relationships changed. I posted that she has to answer her phone. She texted me, ‘I’m done’. Ok then.

There is nothing back there that is good for me. You’d think that would be a relief so that I could concentrate on what is here. At least I’m ‘good enough’ here. I never was and never will be, back there.

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101 in 1001



101things

Recently, I decided to re-do my ‘101 goals in 1001’ list, so that I could refocus. Officially, this is my third time of doing this. I’ve been working on goals like this for over 6 years. But, as I finish a goal, I usually add another one to the list so that it’s never below about 80 items. Well, the last time around, I was down to 50 goals, which is why I decided to come up with 101 and give it an official start and end date.

I transferred some of my goals from my previous list over, since I still want to accomplish them. Then, I stole some ideas from friends that joined my facebook page that is just for this project. After that, I still needed some ideas, so I went to others blogs and started looking at their lists. I’m now up to 90 goals. I may leave it at that, so that when I think of others, I have room on the list for it.

I’ll try to keep my blog updated with my progress. It’s very motivational for me.

Oh, and I’m actually over 90 if I add in my naughty stuff. Yep, I’m a grownup I’m going to add in the naughty stuff, though I may add it in code. I think it’s only 3 or 4 items though.

Here we go……..and some of these are already in progress……


101 Goals in 1001 Days
No particular order
February 18, 2015 to November 15, 2017


Not in any specific order of importance. Some of them are just to remind me to take care of myself and some are things that I’ve done before and want to do again.


1) Post gratitude on Facebook for 30 days in a row (5/30)
2) Read 100 book (37/100)
3) Record 5 Guided Meditations (0/5)
4) Listen to NLP CD’s
5) Study Rebirthing by Sondra Ray
6) Schedule/Present Intensive for Survivors (I’ve already created/presented a workshop on this topic at about 6 events, with 1 more in March in Dallas. But, I want to do a full day intensive
7) Schedule/Present Healing Sex Workshop Series or Intensive
8) Schedule 3 Guest speakers for the Columbus Insight Center or The Space (0/3)
9) Charity - Help fund a kickstarter (that’ isn’t my own)
10) Write article for Sacred Sexuality/Tantra/Qadishtu Magazine
11) Write workshop - M/s in a Vanilla World
12) Write article for a Pagan Journal about Rites of Passage
13) Present outside of North America
14) Schedule/Present 2 more M/s weekend intensives (0/2)
15) Schedule Book tour after writing 3rd book
16) Write book on Rites of Passage (with my 14 years of rituals)
17) Write Living M/s Workbook to go with book
18) Create Goddess Box (Worry Box)
19) Perform 6 new moon rituals (0/6)
20) Attend 2 community plays (0/2)
21) Create Liturgy for Sacred Flame Temple
22) Visit Disneyland
23) Visit Petrified Forest
24) Visit Black Hills
25) Scrapbook Cruises
26) Kiss in the Rain
27) Visit 10 unusual roadside oddities (6/10)
28) Schedule naughty poker game, where services are used for bets
29) Attend Roller Derby Game
30) Scenic Train Ride
31) New Tattoo
32) Invest $200 and see how much I can make off it
33) Attend 5 concerts (3/5….Peter Gabriel, Adam Ant, Tubular Bells for Two) Weird Al tickets bought
34) Scan family photos
35) Reach 199 pounds
36) Rings re-sized when hit 199 pounds
37) Attend 5 festivals (1/5)
38) Stay at 3 Air BnB’s (1/3)
39) Pay off credit card
40) Pay off Sallie Mae
41) Fix credit to buy house (7 points away)
42) Visit Grand Canyon
43) Cook dinner for sick friend
44) $500 in personal savings (almost there)
45) 4 Dates with random girls
46) DP Scene
47) Jog 5k (BunnyHop 5k scheduled)
48) Walk 10 5k’s (5/10)
49) Walk the Length of the Appalachian Trail - 2075 miles
(as of 9/10/14, 1688 walked, part of it on the Trail)
50) Climb Rock Wall
51) Ear piercing, 2nd set
52) Create and Notarize Will
53) Add sons to bank paperwork, so it won’t have to go through court
54) Organize important papers (bank info, insurance info, passwords, etc) and keep in safe for kids
55) Complete 5 puzzles (0/5)
56) Pick random point of interest for road trip x3 (0/3)
57) Listen to all episodes of Erotic Awakening
58) Finish afghan for PXS raffle
59) Visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
60) Visit Cedar Point
61) Visit Mammoth Cave
62) Ride an Alpine Slide
63) Visit Cass Scenic Railroad State Park, WV
64) Give 10 ‘just because’ gifts (0/10)
65) Travel to a new state
66) Schedule a Day long meditation retreat
67) Schedule a pajama party - invite only
68) Swim with either dolphins/rays/turtles
69) Complete a zentangle or mandala coloring book
70) Schedule another Psychic Fair
71) Donate 101 things I no longer need (0/101)
72) Send someone a care package for no reason
73) Visit a famous landmark that I’ve never seen before
74) Find all wedding pictures that i’ve officiated and add back to revdawn site
75) See a Broadway show in New York
76) Watch at least 10 documentaries (0/10)
77) Ask friends to name one movie they think I need to watch, and then watch all the recommendations I get
78) Try Zumba
79) Add 10 new albums to our music library (0/10)
80) Organize our music library
81) Participate in Women’s International Leather Legacy (WILL)
82) Buy 5 new boardgames (0/5)
83) Drive a go-cart
84) Build a business partner contract for the Blue Adventures Cooperative
85) Frame a wall-worthy map and start marking the places I’ve been
86) Come up with 101 things
87) Get Yahoo mail to zero inbox, and keep that way for 10 days (0/10)
88) Complete a craft project from pin interest
89) Post 3 times a week on my blog for a full month
90) Find 5 blogs to add to my reader (and remember how to use reader) (0/5)
91) Spend time gun range with boyfriend
92) Become a meat puppet for 3 different people again (0/3)

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Facebook group - 101 in 1001

I just started a new facebook group that feels like it’s going to be a lot of fun if people will participate.

Years ago, Lee Harrington mentioned the fact that he has something he does, called a 101 in 1001 days list. I didn’t know that this was actually a ‘thing’ when I decided to copy the idea. I figured that if something like that could keep Lee on track with all the projects he’s involved in, I might be able to keep track of everything I want to do and add some fun stuff into it. My life had lost focus and goals give me focus.

So, now I’m on my 3
rd round, though I don’t think I officially finished the 2nd round. I was finishing everything so fast that I was adding things to it as fast as I was completing them, instead of finishing the list and then creating a new one on the due date.

So, time to start over. Michelle, D’arts wife, gave me a bucket list book and it re-fueled my interest. I’m hoping this facebook group helps. I went through my facebook friends and picked 20 strong women that I felt would like help with their goals, could be self-motivated and might be good at motivating others.

Sarah Sloane was doing this with her weightlifting group that she invited me to, and it’s going very well. I’m curious what this group of strong women can accomplish together.

crossing my fingers that it keeps me on track as well. I’ve got some items that have been on my list since my first round of 101 goals…..over 5 years ago.
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The Space


Wow! unbelievable!

I had started looking for a bigger space for The Room. I was already putting out feelers for a church with a parsonage. The Room would be in the church and the parsonage would be our living space.

Well, then Barak and Sheba come to us with the idea of renting space for a community center. Boom, we are on board. It’s going to take the 4 of this to pull this off. We start looking for a place to rent without much luck. Then, a friend in the community says, ‘let me help you’. They are going to buy the building and rent it out to us. Wow!

But, we still need start up costs. Lawyers, Zoning, Business paperwork, Accountants, etc. etc. ….all those costs that normal businesses incur. We put the call out on Friday night of Winter Wickedness…..and the support has been amazing and so gracious!

It’s so very humbling!

It looks like we are going to be able to do this. Yay!!!

The SPACE is born!
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Results of working with Freya


Freya wings cats



The only thing that I can imagine that happened, is that Freya came through me full force after my research of her, my search for an amber pendant to honor her and my writing about her all last week. Because Friday night, I was super empowered at the event we were at. I had an attitude that wouldn’t quit!

I felt secure about myself. I felt secure with my husband. I felt secure with how I looked and I could care less if people found me intimidating, because I felt sexy! I dressed in a short short black tight skirt, white shirt and my Leather PXS vest, knowing I was going on stage in front of 400 people. Didn’t matter. I usually feel frumpy with what I wear, but I was feeling hot. And I got a lot of comments and ‘I want to eat you up’ looks from many people. It was awesome to be on stage like that.

I went back to the room after the opening ceremonies to change for the evening and once I figured out what I was going to wear, that attitude doubled in strength when I saw myself in the mirror. I left our hotel room in a short black dress with a corset, fishnet stockings and knee high boots.

Over the years, and even recently, people had been letting me know that I am intimidating to them. For some reason, I always take it personally and start to shut down and become mousy so that I’m not intimidating to anyone. Well, Friday night I was in a ‘bring it on’ attitude.

I keep thinking that when someone says I’m intimidating that it means I’m not being humble and gracious. Which are goals of mine with how I interact with people and myself. So, I would feel like a failure. Well, I’m thinking that maybe I’m misunderstanding what they are saying.

My thought at the moment is humble, gracious, and vivacious. And the ones that can handle that are the ones that get to spend time with me.

And with that attitude, I strutted out of the hotel room. I could feel my husbands/Masters look of surprise.

What I loved about this was, I went out into social land and chatted with everyone I could find. My walls were down. I had nothing to hide, and no one to protect myself from. I was in safe space and could take care of myself.

People were open to me and I ended up with a couple of dates for the weekend and lots of great conversation and flirting through the event. The first ‘date’, dragged me off almost as soon as I got to the social space the first evening. Hot hot hot.

I like this attitude.

Freya, thank you.

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Freya - Goddess of Sexuality



freyja

Freya – the Warrior Goddess of Sacred Sexuality

* a goddess that works hard and plays hard without apology *

 


Unlike modern female leaders who are branded “bitch” or “difficult to work with” as soon as they come into power, Freya is revered by her followers. It is tempting to attribute her popularity to her profound beauty, but there’s so much more to it than that. Freya’s personality is said to be magnetic, irresistible to god, mortals, and every creature in between. Here’s one theory as to why:  Freya owns her energy, her life force, and enjoys it with gusto - particularly her sexuality. It is said she enjoys the company of fairies and magic makers of all kinds. She’s an equal opportunity pleasure provider and receiver, consciously taking on many lovers to the mutual satisfaction of both parties.”

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I came across Freya after a dream of a feathered cloak. I looked everywhere on google images to find an image that looked like it could be a goddess with a feathered cloak. None of the paintings really worked for me, but there was a statue that did (speaking of which, squirrel, off to buy that statue for my altar). Once I saw this statue and read about how she was a warrior and was free with her sexuality, I thought I’d try to get in touch with her.
 
A couple of weeks later, my husband and I were involved in a trance dance meditation at the Pearls of Wisdom. I dressed as a Viking and decided to dance with the intention of getting in touch with her. That was an amazing experience. Many that I had talked to that follow her, follow her because she is a warrior. But, when I danced and she came to me, she let me know that she was a Goddess of Sacred Sexuality and that’s how I should work with her. It felt so right. She felt right.
 
Soon after, I went looking for an amber necklace and ended up finding one at the Renn Faire. Beautiful hand crafted amber and silver necklace. Unfortunately, it likes to disappear every now and then. I’m not exactly sure where it is now, but hold hope that it will show up again when it’s time. I may go look for another one though, with the idea of working with her again.
 
Her falcon cloak always intrigued me as well. Though, I work with hawk energy more than falcon. But, it’s beautiful and so me. Recently my husband bought me a shawl with a print of feathers. It’s so beautiful and feels so magical when I put it on.
 
I also love the idea that she is a warrior and it’s time for me to start looking at that side of her as well. A warrior, a diviner with runes, a sexual being that enjoys her many lovers, powerful, a leader, and a master of Seidr (Norse magic and shamanism).
 

I need to embrace her and her fire and her since of work and play once again. ‘Satisfying her many lovers’, …….yes. I need to get involved in Sacred Sexuality again. Not that I ever left, but it’s calling me strongly again. 

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