Jan 2015

Apologies for Losing Weight?




no tricks

I was replying to someone’s post on a weight lifting board for women, and realized that I’ve been apologetic for taking so long to lose 83 pounds. How weird.

We are such a fast society, and people want weight loss results, now now now. So, may people are getting bariatric surgery; some for health reasons, and some because they haven’t been able to lose weight through conventional means. Fast fast fast is what everyone wants.

Well, I decided not to do the surgery route. For one, I can’t afford it, and for two I don’t like surgery and have no interest in being laid up for awhile and STILL have to diet and work out after the surgery. So, I’ve been plugging away at this for more than 10 years.

When people see how much weight I’ve lost, they ask how.

Instead of being proud of the hard work I’ve done, I come across as apologetic. Why? Because it’s taken me 10 years to make this much progress. 10 years of changing my diet and learning how to stay motivated to get to the gym. Training for walking 5k’s and then a half-marathon, and now for the 4
th time training to jog a 5k. Almost a year of a having a personal trainer. Many times talking to dieticians that have less of a clue than myself. Continuously moving forward.

I should have pride in my progress. I’ve seen so many that have gained their weight back. This is an ongoing journey. There isn’t an end. It is a lifestyle change. So what if it’s taken 10 years. It will be forever more.

Motivation will continue to take different forms and my journey will continue, bring with it much pain and much joy and I will continue moving forward.

Pride, not Apology. No more apologies.

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Guilty about poly relationships?


everything-i-do-makes-me-feel-guilty

As a poly person with two partners, sometimes I feel guilty.

Why? Because I have two great men in my life.

There are times that I’m talking to people that don’t have a partner and they are lamenting over the fact. This is a time that I can’t say, ‘I know what you are going through.’ As a matter of fact, I don’t feel like I can give any advice. All I can do is listen.
 
I see people posting on facebook or fetlife about wanting a boyfriend or girlfriend and I feel like even if I just send hugs, that it will be seen as condescending.
 
Or when I advertise for a girlfriend, I feel pretty damn greedy.
 
A friend was asking where he should look to find a girlfriend and I didn’t want to say, “I don’t know, I’m having the same problem.” It’s just not on the same level of need that he’s going through.
 
I don’t want to post how happy I am with my partners, as it could be seen as rubbing things in. I want people to be happy for me, but would they really be?
 
I have some single friends that I feel like don’t want to hear, that one night I have a date with my husband, and my boyfriend another night, let alone be looking for a girlfriend or play partner.
 
Maybe that just my perception and in reality they really don’t care in the least. But, I always worry about it. 

I shouldn’t. But that feeling of guilt is there.

Guilt for being happy? maybe? Well, that’s something to look at a little deeper.
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Joy of Cooking





boystirring

Tonight was very productive for me…..lots of cooking. I feel very fulfilled. I’ve been trying to eat low-carb, but it’s hard and boring when all I have at work to eat is a summer sausage and cheddar cheese.

So, I made a food plan for the week, created a shopping list and went grocery shopping at lunch time. Then, I stopped by the CIC to make a salad for Dan for dinner, and then stopped to pick up some eggs and came home and cooked.

For my vegetarian friends, please cover your eyes. Because for me to eat low-carb, it means a lot of meat. I’ve eaten this way before and my body loves it. Carbs and sugars, including sugars from fruits, leaves me tired, lethargic and not able to concentrate.

So, tonight I made bacon, egg salad, deviled eggs and a sausage/egg/cheese breakfast casserole. Tomorrow night I’m going to have to make something chicken in the crockpot just to balance out all the pork and eggs.

As soon as I got home, it was unload groceries, do the dishes, organize some stuff on shelves, clean out the fridge and cook. I miss doing all of this!

I’m also happy because I bought a lot of veggies to add to all of this meat and eggs. Low Carb, low glycemic vegs.

I’m ready for a week of eating and staying on my eating plan!

I also bought new containers for the food, and now the clean fridge is full of food ready to be packed for lunches.

Maybe I can drop this 3 pounds I gained from the potatoes, and fruit and sugar I had over the weekend.
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