Mar 2015

Awakening Others?

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There is this article that I came across …..and at first when I read it, I found it very agreeable. I just re-read it now, because I wanted to write about all the positive stuff I found in it, and realized that I don’t agree with the core concept of the article.

The article is….
”Expanding Their Vision, Nine Ways to Help others Awaken to Consciousness”.

Wow, great! And the ideas are great! But…wait..who am I to decide that people need to be ‘awakened’? This feels very focused on changing other people. I’d rather focus on changing myself.

Living by your values allows you to become a positive source of inspiration for others. Don’t hide – express yourself and embrace life without reservation. By simply being yourself, you can help the people in your life see how one person can make a difference by being a living example of consciousness.

OK. I LOVE the first part. Concentrate on yourself and how you interact with the world. It could have done without the whole second piece with having the reason you do something be about other people.

When you communicate your views, do so causally and in a non-dogmatic manner. Allow the people you speak with to ask questions. Offer only as much information as they are ready to hear.

Again. The first part is great! The second part involves other people.

Number 3 involves giving people gifts with the intent to spark an interest in consciousness.

Number 4 says to teach them meditation and chanting, with the same intent.

Number 5 says to start a discussion group and invite those that you believe need help with awakening.

Number 6 says to invite people from your personal and professional life, with the intent of awakening them.

For me, if I’m awakened, I would want to share gifts, to share gifts, not with an intent of a specific outcome. I love to teach meditation, if we are already talking about something healing or spiritual and I’m sharing my experience with meditation as a tool. I don’t do this with the intent of awakening someone. Start a discussion group to help those become awakened, sounds like proselytzing to me. Who am I to decide if someone is ‘awakened’ or not? Who says that I’m on the ‘right’ path and they are on the ‘wrong’ path.

This article actually feels very ‘us’ vs ‘them’ attitude and this is where a lot of problems with humanity comes into play. We should be concentrating on ourselves and our own paths. What makes us happy? How can we help others, just to help others?

I am me. You are you.

If you want to be a little like me because it will make you happy, great. I’m hoping to see what makes you happy so that I can mimic that as well. We all have something to offer others in our lives, and thinking that everyone needs to be on the same path, can be dangerous and make us all unhappy.

I realized a long time ago that I’ve done work to become happy, and though I like to share these tools with others, I’m just a vessel. My words and beliefs are worth no more than anyone else’s, so it’s not my job to manipulate…..oh, there is that word……that’s why I have a problem with this article. It feels manipulative. If someone asks for help, that’s one thing, but to be sneaky and deceptive with the idea of showing them a ‘better way’, is just not my way of doing things.

Truck vs Soul

Today I’m going to buy a new car.

I don’t want to buy a new car. I liked my Suzuki XL7.

This is attachment, and attachment is suffering. I need to let her go. I don’t want to let her go. She served me well, for over a decade. I love my truck. My first trip with her was to my grandmother’s funeral a couple of days after I bought her. Over 10 years, I’ve taken many trips in her. I’ve been camping many times, with her towing our camper. I’ve used her for vending and taking groups of people places. She’s worked hard lugging items from place to place. We’ve filled her to the gills with stuff, and she’s never complained. She’s pulled me out of snow banks and driven me safely on ice. She was a great friend. I can’t help it. I’m attached.

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Now it’s time to buy a new car. Through no fault of her own, the Suzuki has moved on her own for the last time with this motor. Her oil plug fell out and her motor seized. Her life was cut short and no one will take responsibility for causing it. She now sits in front of our house on the road. I don’t know just yet, what I’m going to do with her. I’ll decide soon.

In the meantime, I’ve researched and test driven cars and suvs. I think I was trying to replace her, but it’s not possible. Prices are up and deals just aren’t to be had like they used to be. I might get lucky with a previous years model being a little cheaper than the current year. That’s my hope.

I haven’t liked any of the cars I’ve test driven. I could try more expensive models, but I don’t want to spend a lot of money. Dan mentioned maybe I should get a Kia Soul like his. Huh, I had kind of thought of that before, but then switched my thinking to finding a replacement for the truck so that we could pull the camper and haul stuff if needed. But, the more I test drove options, the better the Soul looked.

My only requirement in a car at the moment is that it’s not too expensive, she sits higher off the ground than a regular car, so that I don’t feel so small on the highway, have Bluetooth and have room for 3 adults and a dog and some luggage. Well, since Dan already owns a Kia Soul, we know that it meets all these requirements.

Tonight, I go to buy a black Kia Soul. I’m getting kind of excited. My next step with the truck is to find someone that can use her for parts. I don’t want her going to the crusher like one place said they were going to do with her.

She should look something like this….unless I change my mind at the last minute.

And once I get home…..there will be a ritual as I park the cars together. *sigh* I’m weird.


Observing vs Detaching

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Observing vs. Detachment

While meditating this morning, a thought struck me. Sometimes that happens. :)

With all the upheavals we’ve been going through and all the changes that are happening, both on a personal level and on a business level, why am I not totally stressing out? At first, my thought is because I meditate almost daily. But, is that all it is?

What worries me, is that as an abuse survivor I used to be a master at detaching so that I couldn’t feel things. I could totally detach to such a degree that I could see myself from outside of myself. I don’t recommend it, it’s kind of freaky.

So, it struck me, that that is why I’m so comfortable with being the observer. I’m not always good at it, but when I remember to use that tool, it’s very comfortable and allows drama to pass me by.

My concern is, am I currently handling all of this change because I truly have become the observer and trust that things will work out? Or have I detached so that I don’t feel any of this until it’s over? That is my fear. Though, regardless of which one it is, is either a bad thing if it’s helping me through this?

So, I decided to research what the 2 words mean and this is what I was able to come up with.

Observer –

    Detachment –
        This detachment does not necessarily mean avoiding empathy; rather it allows the person space needed to rationally choose whether or not to be overwhelmed or manipulated by such feelings.

        But, these definitions don’t speak to me. Something is missing. My next step was to ask the Sangha group I belong to, where I could get more information on being the observer.

        This was a response I got from someone I respect. And he hit the nail on the head.

        “You're not trying to assimilate someone else's ideas, you're trying to develop your own. Words are formed from understandings. But some understandings simply can't be gleaned through words. The real question is, "What do you see/feel is the difference?" And/or, "Why do you expect or feel that there needs to be a difference?" “

        Whoa. How insightful. The reason the definitions don’t feel right is because I’m looking for my own definition and how this makes me feel.

        So, how does it make me feel? Well, to me, being the observer is a healthy way of dealing with occurrences and emotions. My thought process has slowed down enough that I chose how I’ll react or IF I’ll react to a situation. Healthy. It actually feels pretty amazing.

        But, there are many times that I catch my walls up. It seems to be my natural state of being. 16 years of abuse….it’s no wonder. But, being in a numb bubble is not how I want to live my life. To me, being detached is the same as being numb. I want to interact with life and people. I want the freedom to live, not be stuck behind a wall.

        So, the idea that I’m doing ok with all of these stressors in my life at the moment ….has me fearful that I’m losing ground on living life.

        Observing is proactive. Detaching is reactive or passive. I can control how I react when I’m the observer. With detachment, something else is in control.

        And it’s not an either/or situation. I’m also afraid of either of these turning into apathy. Where would the joy in life be then?

        My Leather Family

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        I have thought this many times before, and after such a wonderful weekend at South Plains Leather Fest, I finally spoke it to my Master.
        “Sir, I’ve got to say it. I’ve realized that if anything ever happens to you, the Leather community is where I will turn to for family support. I will become a part of that family on a deeper level.”
        He understood.
        You see, I’d been holding onto this thought, because I don’t want anything to happen to him. But, it’s true. I see the Leather community as my family. They support each other in any way possible. They are about learning and reaching out and being there for others. That’s the type of family I want to be with.
        No more explanation needed. It’s pretty simple in my head/heart.

        And whenever I realize this, I want to spend more time in the Leather community. I want to support and be supported. I want to be involved deeper than what I currently am. And now that I’ve admitted to this out loud, let’s see where I take it. 
        All winners and kendra


        Events We Love to Present at

        We do a lot of events during the year. And each one finds a little place in our hearts. But, there are a few that really stand out…..

        For one….just a little something about one of my favorites…..

        We love going to Chicago, to Kinky Kollege. This is our 7
        th year doing this event, sometimes twice a year. For some reason, it has always felt like home. We love the event and we love the people.


        The new producer and his wife (B&L). Podcast listeners that we do dinner with (J&C), new friends (R&T), and tons of old friends. We work more at this event than any other event we attend. It’s always 3 classes, 2 12-step meetings and an M/s roundtable. We usually do a podcast interview as well. We didn’t this time, but we did get recorded for Jay and Jasmine’s video cast. Lots of work, but lots of downtime as well. This time, we also had dinner with the producers and podcast listeners. It was a pleasant dinner and is nice to be included.
        What makes this event so fulfilling? Why are we willing to do so much work at this one compared to others? Well, it could be that they truly appreciate us. They are gracious, which allows us to be gracious.
        People appreciate that we run the 12-step meetings and they love our classes. Whether we do M/s, poly, Sacred Sexuality, etc. They love it. It means a lot to us, that our work that we don’t charge for is appreciated.

        It’s events like this that make it all worth it.  

        50 Shades of ......

        50 shades

        Fifty Shades of Grey…..

        OK…..we went to go watch this yesterday and I would really like those 2 hours of my life back. What is all the uproar about? It’s a love story with a little bit of bdsm put in. It’s someone that has fallen in love with a girl that doesn’t have a submissive bone in her body…..doesn’t understand submission, isn’t empowered by submission and therefore….isn’t a submissive. He’s not Domming her, because she isn’t submitting to him. Therefore it’s not a power exchange. Therefore, love story with a moment of crops and a moment of rope, and a moment of a belt. *shrug* A little bit of kink that she wasn’t into. And because she wasn’t into it, it made him broken for liking it.

        Thank goodness I belong to a community where most people that have thought they might be broken for liking consensual kink have found support and their seat of power. A community where we have embraced our sex positivity. A community where we have seen the importance of consent and can still live out our fantasies.

        This movie……ok….maybe I’m jaded after so long in the kink community. I’ve been here 16 years. So, I don’t find this movie titalating at all. Though, in the 80’s, Dangerous Touch is the movie that I found titalating. But, that movie was with a woman that embraced her sexuality and her sense of adventure. She wasn’t a poor, clueless, virgin college girl.

        Yep, I would have rather have spent that 2 hours playing minecraft…..or better yet, playing with my Master

        The only reason we went, is because we are going to be on a 50 shades panel at OSU tomorrow night. The eve of our 14
        th collaring anniversary and we are going to be talking to college kids about the kink community and about power exchange. It’s going to be fun, and is kind of neat that it’s on our anniversary…….but it would have been nice to celebrate.