May 2015

Shine the Light?



EmilysQuotes.Com-amazing-inspirational-know-light-lights-world-positive-wisdom-encouraging-Rumi copy

I’m not sure if it’s guilt or empathy or how to label it. I just know that I feel bad for people when they are talking to me about how bad their relationships are with their long-term monogamous partners, and my relationships are going so well at the moment.
 
Part of me wants to share my happiness. My relationship with my husband is going great. My relationship with my boyfriend is going great. I have a play partner now and am thinking of trying to date a gal I just met. At this point in time, everything seems to be fabulous. But, I can’t share it when the ones I’m talking to are so miserable.
 
Is this poly guilt? I’m not sure what to call it. I don’t feel guilty about being poly or that the relationships are going well. But, it’s hard to bring up that I have a couple of relationships that I’m enjoying, when they are so un-happy in theirs. Most people would tell them that if they are so miserable, to leave. I have a different option for them, but they think poly is just as bad of a choice as leaving.
 
Luckily, I didn’t choose poly because I wasn’t getting what I needed from my primary relationship. All of this is extra. And it wasn’t easy. So, I don’t have this illusion that it will always be this great. But, today is all I have, and today it is good. And today, I can’t share it with some others in my life, because they only advice I have for them is to get out of the relationships they are in, or add more to it to make it bearable. I just want these old high-school friends to be happy.
 
I’m also finding it hard to share about my relationships with those people I know that are still looking. I don’t want them to be jealous or envious even, or feel bad about their own situation.
 
But, it would be so nice to shout from the rough tops that things are finally going well for me in the romance department. I’m so happy. A little stressed on how to make all this work, but happy. 

Actually, I think I’m going to do some research about this concept. It’s not poly guilt, it’s feeling guilty over being happy. What’s that about? 
 
Part of me wants to share my happiness. My relationship with my husband is going great. My relationship with my boyfriend is going great. I have a play partner now and am thinking of trying to date a gal I just met. At this point in time, everything seems to be fabulous. But, I can’t share it when the ones I’m talking to are so miserable.
 
Is this poly guilt? I’m not sure what to call it. I don’t feel guilty about being poly or that the relationships are going well. But, it’s hard to bring up that I have a couple of relationships that I’m enjoying, when they are so un-happy in theirs. Most people would tell them that if they are so miserable, to leave. I have a different option for them, but they think poly is just as bad of a choice as leaving.
 
Luckily, I didn’t choose poly because I wasn’t getting what I needed from my primary relationship. All of this is extra. And it wasn’t easy. So, I don’t have this illusion that it will always be this great. But, today is all I have, and today it is good. And today, I can’t share it with some others in my life, because they only advice I have for them is to get out of the relationships they are in, or add more to it to make it bearable. I just want these old high-school friends to be happy.
 
I’m also finding it hard to share about my relationships with those people I know that are still looking. I don’t want them to be jealous or envious even, or feel bad about their own situation.
 

But, it would be so nice to shout from the rough tops that things are finally going well for me in the romance department. I’m so happy. A little stressed on how to make all this work, but happy. 

….edit

So, I did a little research on this whole ‘guilty about being happy’ issue i’m having. And after reading a couple of blogs, this statement was in one of them and it totally struck me…..it feels good. AND I can do this in an empathetic way…..

"In my opinion, be as freakin’ happy as you possibly can, to be an inspiration to others. Your divine job is to shine brightly so that others may see their themselves more clearly.”

Comments

I'm a Runner!


runner


This morning I woke up, wanting to run. Physically wanting to run.
 
For once, it was in a good way….not a ‘run away from the world’ way.
 
I woke up with the sun, feeling puppy at my feet snoozing. I knew I could sleep in, but could hear the birds. I caught myself itching to run.
 
Most mornings I could easily talk myself into getting more sleep, especially when my husband is next to me…or hell, even when he’s not. But, not this morning. I knew I had to get my shoes on and get out in the air with nature. No music, no podcasts, just fresh air and nature.
 
Does that make me an official ‘runner’? I think it does!
 
So, I put on my running clothes, including my newest t-shirt that I absolutely love. I put on my shoes with the dog standing in front of me wagging her tail. No way could I take her, she stops too much. I did take her out for a little piddle. It would have been cruel not to.
 
Then, I turned on my runkeeper application on my phone, tucked it away in its holder at my waist and took off running. I knew I was only going to do a mile, so maybe that’s why I started off so fast. It was a rough but invigorating jog. My shake hadn’t started digesting, so I had no fuel. But, I did my best and shaved a minute off my mile.
 
It felt great to finish my mile and have Dan be home walking the dog towards me, both happy to see me.
 
Huh…..
 

I’m a runner!

Comments

Rejection & Loss of Identity

Rejected_Without_Review_1-300x254 copy


Once of the last few character flaws that I consciously try to work on is the fear of rejection.
 
It’s funny….knowing this was what I wanted to work on, I found a new therapist and he ended up letting me go, because he thought I was a hedonist. Not only am I a hedonist, but until I decide to release that style of life, I’m going to continue to have issues. I basically told him that with rejection being the core of my issues, I’d have them even if I was a soccer mom. I haven’t been to a therapist since.
 
So, I just picked up a book to read that I’ve owned for a little while, but haven’t made the time to read. It’s called ‘Don’t Take it Personally! The Art of Dealing with Rejection’ by Elayne Savage, Ph.D. She writes it from her own experience, so so far it’s not academic.
 
Something struck me in the first couple of pages.
 
First of all, I find that I define rejection differently than she does. To me, abandonment is an action that someone takes, based on their own issues. Rejection is someone judging something (you), finding them unworthy and then leaving.
 
For this author, she defines rejection as two ‘specific anxiety tornados’: the fear of being abandoned and the fear of losing our identity. Wow. I didn’t realize they both fell under rejection. I still like my definition, but will play with hers.



 Unknown



The one that intrigues me is the ‘fear of losing our identity’. Boy have I had that! I can remember saying, ‘I’m Dawn. Not Dave and Edie’s daughter. Not Richard’s sister. Not Sister Peek’s granddaughter. Not Mickey’s wife. Not Travis and Alex’s mom.’ Yes, I’m all of those things, but at the core of it all, I’m Dawn. And I was tired of people not remembering my name or knowing me for me.
 
Yet, today, I’m dawn of ‘Dan and dawn’. I’m Dan’s wife, Dan’s slave. And I’m perfectly fine with that. I’m also slave dawn and Rev. Dawn. I’m fine with that. I feel like I have an identity and people know me for me and for ‘Dan and dawn’. I’m not worried about losing my ever-changing identity. Or so I think. I bet there is some fear there somewhere.
 
But, understanding this ‘fear of loss of identity’ concept, helps me understand others in my life. When I read that, a lightbulb went off in my head. THAT’S what is going on!!! OH! I understand it now. I don’t particularly like it because it feels like it chisels at my identity, but I understand it.
 

I’m going to sit with this for a while. 

Comments