Oct 2014

White Tara

So, every now and then I remember to draw an oracle card.
 
Because I was triggered early by someone’s assumptions, I decided to draw a Goddess card to ask which energies I should draw towards me to handle the situation.


 
white tara

White Tara – Sensitivity
 
Funny, I’ve been interested in her for years, but haven’t done a lot of research on her. Come to find out, she’s the Buddhist version of the Hindu Kwan Yin. Go figure. Sensitivity and Compassion. I was hoping to draw Kali.
 
White Tara ~ Sensitivity: “You are becoming increasingly sensitive. Avoid harsh relationships, environments, situations, and chemicals.”

Message From White Tara: “As you have purified your inner world of thoughts, actions, and intentions, it’s natural that you seek purity in your outer world as well. This is to acknowledge your heightened sensitivity, which is as real as it seems! you have stripped away the outer protective layers of unneeded defenses, which blocked your psychic ans spiritual awareness. Now you are on the path of ascension, which calls for your heightened awareness. And with this awareness does new levels of sensitivity to the impure and harsh. Your body is a trust worthy instrument of measurement of your tolerance level. Steer clear of that which your body signals you to avoid. Take excellent care of your body, and it shall serve you well!”
Various meanings of this card: Acknowledge and honour your sensitivity. take steps to protect yourself from negativity. Avoid chemicals. Steer clear of situations with loud noise, crowds, violent media, and other triggers.

About White Tara (pronounced Tair-uh): White Tara is an aspect of Tara, a female Buddha and Hindu Mother Creator. The many female faces of the Buddha and Mother Creator are represented as various colours of Tara. White Tara represents purity, maturity, and compassion. The eyes on her hands, feet and forehead allow her to be aware of all prayers. She helps us to live long and peaceful lives.”*
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Connecting With People pt. 2

Not working out the way i hand planned. Even though i had gone into it with no expectations....i’m human....i had expectations i didn’t want to admit to.

The funny part with being known as the M/s couple, is that people know i’m owned. or they are coming to our workshops to help work on their own relationships. So, if my expectation was to be open with people and make them feel special.....i’ve succeeded. If my goal was to make ‘friends’ and find a new interest, i’ve failed....failed....failed..

But, that wasn’t supposed to be the goal, right?

When i remember that.......the event is going great! Lots of old friends and meeting a lot of new people.

Now the goal is remember some names.

Oh, i actually played truth or dare last night....that’s truly stepping outside of the box for me. Unfortunately, it did not end up like this.......but i did get to bend over in front of someone I find cute, ....in my fishnets no less. ;)

Truth-OR-Dare....-best-game-ever....
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Connecting with People

So, we are on our way to Chicago.

For some reason, I feel like making connections with people while I’m there. I can’t say that I’m looking to develop a relationship, or even a hookup. I just want to make connections with people.

I usually wall myself up and just enjoy being ‘dawn’ of ‘Dan and dawn’. I chat with people that have been triggered, or are trying to learn to live power exchange, or are new to the lifestyle and like what they see in Dan and I, or people that are having issues. I tend to to a lot of one on one counseling after our workshops.

One year when I came to Chicago, my goal was to flirt. I now use those stories in our flirting class. How some of my attempts worked, and how some did not.

This time, the goal is to make connections. Hugs, squeezes, eye contact...maybe some flirting.

girls


My hands are full with my husband/Master and my boyfriend.....so not looking to develop a long distance relationship of any sort.

This should be fun!
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Spinning....Out of Control

spinning_out_of_control__by_brave_heart_pony-d62abvc


So, today I’m feeling pretty good. The husband and I had a talk which seemed to diffuse anything that was going on with me….and then we added some special time …which was icing on the cake, in helping set things straight with my emotions.
 
But, what is frustrating is that a couple hours after the talk with my husband, I was talking to someone at the Poly meeting that was telling me that they were trying to stabilize their emotions and that they were interested in my Reiki class coming up. Well, that comment had me smacking my forehead. Why? Well, as I was telling this guy, I teach Psychic Hygiene during that class.
 
Psychic Hygiene is grounding, cleansing, and shielding. Skills that all energy workers should know. And something we should practice every day, since energy workers are usually highly sensitive to other peoples energy and to leaking out their own. 

Smacking the forehead, because if I had followed through with a daily routine of psychic hygiene for myself, I  may not have gotten so emotionally out of control as to feel that I’m broken.
 

Sometimes this spinning out of control feeling is hormones; sometimes it’s an energy imbalance. Start with the energy work, then remember to exercise (hah, had stopped doing that as well), then remember the meditation (haven’t been great with that)…..and then remember other tools in the toolbox, but don’t forget the psychic hygiene as one of those very basic and powerful tools.


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Feeling Broken, Regardless (trigger warning)

Feeling Broken

Wrote the journal entry twice here....chopped out triggering parts .....and still deleted it.

Broken on the inside and i have gotten so good at hiding it, that unless i mention it, no one knows.


Suck it up buttercup.
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Introvert does not equal Broken

One of the things that I’ve really been paying attention to lately, are the signs of me being an introvert. Some of these things I want to fix, some I’m working on, and some I’m ok with keeping.
 
The thing that I have to remember is that I’m not broken. When I’m driving to someone’s house for the weekend by myself, and I’m wanting to turn around and just go home and be by myself…..it’s ok. Do I do it? Well, I have. This time I didn’t. I knew that if I went home, I’d beat myself up for making the decision to turn around, and for being home by myself when I know that’s the worst thing I could do while he is gone.
 
During my time there, I found that I wasn’t peppy. I wasn’t ‘on’. I was able to be me, and that meant being quiet and just listening most of the time. Though Katie would ask me direct questions and we’d have discussions…for the most part I was just quiet dawn, and I loved it. I didn’t have to entertain anyone and they didn’t feel like they needed to entertain me. Introverts, hosting an introverts. They actually had another friend there that was more introverted and shy than me.
 
Then, it was off to Dayton. Again, feeling like I just wanted to go home, regardless of the fact that I really wanted to see my boyfriend. Then, I get there and it’s all the family. Though I’m slowly getting to know them, and they make me feel truly comfortable, sometimes I just want to stand on the sidelines. This time, they wouldn’t let me. All of us gathered in the living room. D’arts son helped him move the loveseat so that D’art and I could see the TV. Then, it was Michele and her boyfriend, Robert and his wife, Anthony, the 3 dogs and D’art and me. I curled up with D’art, didn’t participate in much of the conversation and enjoyed the family movie.
 
It’s funny, because I do compare myself to others. I imagine Drew and Trina visiting Kevin and Katie and being friendly and energetic. I imagine that this is what Kevin and Katie want from someone visiting them. Then, I imagine D’arts ex-girlfriends. I imagine them, Kris and Xtine, being all funny and friendly, loud, extroverted, bearing gifts for everyone….and I wonder if they see me as lacking. The quiet one.
 
This is where I want to just be me. Let me be quiet. Don’t expect a bundle of energy. I want to be accepted for who I am at the moment.
 
Sometimes I’m all giggles, but I’d rather it be natural and not pretend.
 

So, there are a couple of things I’m working on. A couple of things that I’d like to work on later. And then there are a couple of things that I’m totally ok with, in myself. Like everyone, I could use some tweeking. But, I’m not broken. 
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