Fear

Half Marathon Fears, part 2

While driving my husband to work this morning, I brought up my fears once again. I’m an external processor and just needed to talk about it, because I felt like I was missing something just under the surface.

Fear of failing? Fear of succeeding? I’m sure there is a little of both in there.

But, it didn’t seem complete, so I continued to talk it out with my patient husband, who himself is an internal processor.

What I figured out, is that I’m scared of it ending. Ending? Yes, ending. Having a goal is what has kept me on track with this weightless and even with all this walking and calorie counting, I’ve been on a plateu for a few weeks now. What is going to happen when I don’t have a major goal like this to work towards?

When I take my body from walking 2, 5 mile walks and a longer one each week, what’s going to happen when I slow down? Which I will, because I don’t have a goal to reach.

Am I going to gain the weight back? That idea terrifies me. I know what it’s like to yo-yo and I’ve done so well this time. This is the best shape my body has been in in a very long time. Decades.

I don’t want to screw this up. So much work. So much accomplished.

Again, logically I know that I can now train to jog a 5k or bike a great distance or something else….but it’s been the walking that has worked for me and I’m scared to put it on hold for the winter months.

Will I do another half-marathon? maybe work on speed this time? I don’t know. Sometimes, like with puzzles, once you complete the goal, do you really want to do it again?

puzzle-pieces


Logic vs. Emotions …sometimes it’s a bitch to get them to line up.

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