Guilt

Shine the Light?



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I’m not sure if it’s guilt or empathy or how to label it. I just know that I feel bad for people when they are talking to me about how bad their relationships are with their long-term monogamous partners, and my relationships are going so well at the moment.
 
Part of me wants to share my happiness. My relationship with my husband is going great. My relationship with my boyfriend is going great. I have a play partner now and am thinking of trying to date a gal I just met. At this point in time, everything seems to be fabulous. But, I can’t share it when the ones I’m talking to are so miserable.
 
Is this poly guilt? I’m not sure what to call it. I don’t feel guilty about being poly or that the relationships are going well. But, it’s hard to bring up that I have a couple of relationships that I’m enjoying, when they are so un-happy in theirs. Most people would tell them that if they are so miserable, to leave. I have a different option for them, but they think poly is just as bad of a choice as leaving.
 
Luckily, I didn’t choose poly because I wasn’t getting what I needed from my primary relationship. All of this is extra. And it wasn’t easy. So, I don’t have this illusion that it will always be this great. But, today is all I have, and today it is good. And today, I can’t share it with some others in my life, because they only advice I have for them is to get out of the relationships they are in, or add more to it to make it bearable. I just want these old high-school friends to be happy.
 
I’m also finding it hard to share about my relationships with those people I know that are still looking. I don’t want them to be jealous or envious even, or feel bad about their own situation.
 
But, it would be so nice to shout from the rough tops that things are finally going well for me in the romance department. I’m so happy. A little stressed on how to make all this work, but happy. 

Actually, I think I’m going to do some research about this concept. It’s not poly guilt, it’s feeling guilty over being happy. What’s that about? 
 
Part of me wants to share my happiness. My relationship with my husband is going great. My relationship with my boyfriend is going great. I have a play partner now and am thinking of trying to date a gal I just met. At this point in time, everything seems to be fabulous. But, I can’t share it when the ones I’m talking to are so miserable.
 
Is this poly guilt? I’m not sure what to call it. I don’t feel guilty about being poly or that the relationships are going well. But, it’s hard to bring up that I have a couple of relationships that I’m enjoying, when they are so un-happy in theirs. Most people would tell them that if they are so miserable, to leave. I have a different option for them, but they think poly is just as bad of a choice as leaving.
 
Luckily, I didn’t choose poly because I wasn’t getting what I needed from my primary relationship. All of this is extra. And it wasn’t easy. So, I don’t have this illusion that it will always be this great. But, today is all I have, and today it is good. And today, I can’t share it with some others in my life, because they only advice I have for them is to get out of the relationships they are in, or add more to it to make it bearable. I just want these old high-school friends to be happy.
 
I’m also finding it hard to share about my relationships with those people I know that are still looking. I don’t want them to be jealous or envious even, or feel bad about their own situation.
 

But, it would be so nice to shout from the rough tops that things are finally going well for me in the romance department. I’m so happy. A little stressed on how to make all this work, but happy. 

….edit

So, I did a little research on this whole ‘guilty about being happy’ issue i’m having. And after reading a couple of blogs, this statement was in one of them and it totally struck me…..it feels good. AND I can do this in an empathetic way…..

"In my opinion, be as freakin’ happy as you possibly can, to be an inspiration to others. Your divine job is to shine brightly so that others may see their themselves more clearly.”

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Guilty about poly relationships?


everything-i-do-makes-me-feel-guilty

As a poly person with two partners, sometimes I feel guilty.

Why? Because I have two great men in my life.

There are times that I’m talking to people that don’t have a partner and they are lamenting over the fact. This is a time that I can’t say, ‘I know what you are going through.’ As a matter of fact, I don’t feel like I can give any advice. All I can do is listen.
 
I see people posting on facebook or fetlife about wanting a boyfriend or girlfriend and I feel like even if I just send hugs, that it will be seen as condescending.
 
Or when I advertise for a girlfriend, I feel pretty damn greedy.
 
A friend was asking where he should look to find a girlfriend and I didn’t want to say, “I don’t know, I’m having the same problem.” It’s just not on the same level of need that he’s going through.
 
I don’t want to post how happy I am with my partners, as it could be seen as rubbing things in. I want people to be happy for me, but would they really be?
 
I have some single friends that I feel like don’t want to hear, that one night I have a date with my husband, and my boyfriend another night, let alone be looking for a girlfriend or play partner.
 
Maybe that just my perception and in reality they really don’t care in the least. But, I always worry about it. 

I shouldn’t. But that feeling of guilt is there.

Guilt for being happy? maybe? Well, that’s something to look at a little deeper.
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