Rough Body Play


Some people wonder what it is about rough body play that I enjoy so much. Sometimes I wonder that same thing.

Well, I tried to explain it on the podcast recently, but am not sure I did a great job of it. As a presenter and podcast host and author, it’s funny how many times i get stuck trying to put feelings into words.

But, i’ll give it a try….

There are a couple of reasons. First of all, I like to trust someone so much that they can let their inner beast out to play. I trust them not to go too far. They can only do this in a consensual way, if they are trusted. I like being the person that allows them to play with this part of themselves. Second, it puts me into my body. As an introvert with PTSD, I spend a LOT of time in my head. It detaches me from physical sensation that can be overwhelming. But, when I’m not feeling my body, it means that I experience the world through a ‘numb bubble’. That’s not how I want to interact with the world. I want to be grounded in my body, and rough body play does that for me. Plus, as long as I’m in a safe place, with a person that cares about me and my experience, the endorphins are amazing! Intense! I like intense emotions in my play.

This only works for me in consensual rough play though. If it’s not consensual, it turns into adrenaline, which becomes the fight or flight response. Not my happy place. Hmmmm, ok, there is a little of that going on as well, wondering if they are going to go over the edge of their control. But, it’s hot watching them let the beast out and take themselves to the edge. To be so passionate that they want to take me, but knowing that there is a line they can’t cross. Hot, hot.

Some of this can’t be explained. It’s a feeling not a thought. It’s a tingle. It’s a sparkle in the eye. It’s heat. There is a little fear involved. There is a lot of trust. There is a lot of vulnerability on both sides. Both have to let down their walls to a degree. Underneath, there is actually a layer of compassion and forgiveness on both sides. Think about it. If someone punches someone wrong and there is damage done, both need to come from a sense of compassion, both for the person that was damaged and the one that did the damage. There also has to be that layer of forgiveness towards the one doing the damage, as it wasn’t the intent. If the one being punched turns around in anger, they’ve just destroyed the trust. Seems backwards, doesn’t it? But, if you don’t come from a place of forgiveness, the person on Top isn’t going to trust themselves to be on top again.


Trust and Vulnerability

This is from one of my writings in May, that didn’t make it to my blog. It was still sitting in my email as a reminder to post to the blog.



People sharing their vulnerabilities is such a turn on. I’ve heard someone say this before, and I get it, but now I really get it. I’ve had 3 different people tell me things about themselves recently: things that they wouldn’t admit to others. 1 of them shared something that was super deep and then was afraid that they had scared me away. Nope, not possible so far. Instead, it made me love them all the more.
Why? Well, to show a vulnerable side, and really show it, involves trust. Especially when they’ve shown that side before and been shunned or felt shame. My desire, is trust. I want to be trusted and I want to trust the other person. That is how I can tap into anything from friendship to a deep passion. I would love to give details of the story I was told, but it’s just too personal, and not my story to tell.

I don’t trust easy. My past abuse leaves me to not trusting anyone. You have to earn my trust. I forget that it’s like that with other people as well. So, the fact that I’ve earned their trust makes me feel full. I hadn’t thought of that before. I feel like I’m a trustworthy person, but do I go out of my way to earn others trust? My husbands. That’s about it. I don’t lie, cheat or steal and I’m good at keeping secrets, but do I go out of my way to earn trust? I’ll have to think about that one.