alcoholic father

It's all my fault (could be triggering)


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When you are raised in an alcoholic household, with an abusive father and an enabling mother….you learn to believe that everything is your fault.

‘If only you hadn’t…..(fill in the blank)….I wouldn’t have reacted that way.’

‘if you’d just not talked to that boy on the phone, I wouldn’t have ripped the phone out of the wall.’

‘if you hadn’t gotten upset when I tried to drown your dog, I wouldn’t have knocked your bedroom door down’

‘if only you had gotten up faster from your homework when your mom called you, I wouldn’t have thrown the ashtray at your head’

‘if only you had changed the station fast enough, I wouldn’t have taken the tv away’

‘if only you didn’t exist, I wouldn’t go out to drink’

‘if only you didn’t exist, I could have been a stewardess’
 

Or other messages:

‘I’m not helping you get into college. You just think you’re better than us.’

‘You’re so pretty, I can’t help myself’
 

All of it, my fault. A child. Adults not taking responsibility for their actions.
 

So, now, someone doesn’t speak to me, my fault.

Someone doesn’t come to a workshop, my fault.

Someone snaps at me, my fault.



And I find myself apologizing even when my logic tells me it’s not my fault, but my emotions tell me differently. 
Could be triggering…..sometimes my posts aren’t happy little posts….
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