Bdsm

The Co-Top Tango

Co-Topping

So, in the scene, if more than on person tops another person at the same time, it’s called ‘co-topping’.

Though i’m usually a bottom, i have co-topped with my Master a few times. i love it personally. It’s a new way to interact and connect to both my Master and another human. i love the energy it produces. i love the looks He gives me as we both touch the same person, hearing them moan.

He and i have different skills. As a Dom, He knows how to Dom. As a submissive, i know what it’s like to submit and what can turn a submissive on. Because of this, we have a unique combination to offer a bottom.

When we started co-topping, i was so fresh and had no clue what to do. So, Master would have me get near the person’s face and then let Him know their reactions. So, if someone was on a cross, i’d stand in front of them, maybe touch their arm or their shoulders; all the while giving him clues with eye contact, facial expressions, head nods and hand gestures, to let Him know if they were enjoying the scene or not. If i couldn’t tell or if it looked like they weren’t enjoying something in particular, i’d lean in and remind them that they have a safe word and they were expected to use it; that we don’t know their body, so it would be more fun for everyone if they would speak up if needed. i would usually get a nod of the head. Sometimes they would say something like ‘can you tell Him not to…..’ or ‘Can you tell Him harder please?’. Sometimes they would say nothing at all and i’d have to trust that they’d speak up if they needed to. Then, i’d look at Dan and shrug. That was the sign that i didn’t get any good information from the bottom to lead him one way or the other. i liked this method because it felt like i was facilitating both other people having a good time.

As i got more comfortable with spanking, we moved into the ‘Vanna White’ phase. This was where He would have out a table full of toys. He’d have the bottom go through the toys and take out the items they didn’t want us playing with. Then, He would start the scene and i’d pick out the implements to hand to Him. This helped warm me up to the idea of actually using some of the toys. There were moments where that would happen, but we wouldn’t have negotiated having me touch them as well. i didn’t want to overstep boundaries.

Next, i moved up a level to actually asking the bottoms if they were ok with me touching them during a scene. i would try toys but found that i really likes using my bare hand. i’m more about the sensual and like creating soft touch while He brings them pain. The combination is amazing. And we have a way of dancing around each other. Through the use of eye contact and body motions and head nods, we can usually tell what the other one is going to do next. Or i’ll motion that i want their ass and he’ll move to their back or feet or somewhere else. Sometimes he’ll motion to me that he’s going to do something and i dance around him.

It really is a dance.

i can’t wait until we find someone that just wants to be used. Maybe i’ll be brave enough to step into the arena of pain and using. That way she can get both from both.
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Rough Body Play


rough


Some people wonder what it is about rough body play that I enjoy so much. Sometimes I wonder that same thing.

Well, I tried to explain it on the podcast recently, but am not sure I did a great job of it. As a presenter and podcast host and author, it’s funny how many times i get stuck trying to put feelings into words.

But, i’ll give it a try….

There are a couple of reasons. First of all, I like to trust someone so much that they can let their inner beast out to play. I trust them not to go too far. They can only do this in a consensual way, if they are trusted. I like being the person that allows them to play with this part of themselves. Second, it puts me into my body. As an introvert with PTSD, I spend a LOT of time in my head. It detaches me from physical sensation that can be overwhelming. But, when I’m not feeling my body, it means that I experience the world through a ‘numb bubble’. That’s not how I want to interact with the world. I want to be grounded in my body, and rough body play does that for me. Plus, as long as I’m in a safe place, with a person that cares about me and my experience, the endorphins are amazing! Intense! I like intense emotions in my play.

This only works for me in consensual rough play though. If it’s not consensual, it turns into adrenaline, which becomes the fight or flight response. Not my happy place. Hmmmm, ok, there is a little of that going on as well, wondering if they are going to go over the edge of their control. But, it’s hot watching them let the beast out and take themselves to the edge. To be so passionate that they want to take me, but knowing that there is a line they can’t cross. Hot, hot.

Some of this can’t be explained. It’s a feeling not a thought. It’s a tingle. It’s a sparkle in the eye. It’s heat. There is a little fear involved. There is a lot of trust. There is a lot of vulnerability on both sides. Both have to let down their walls to a degree. Underneath, there is actually a layer of compassion and forgiveness on both sides. Think about it. If someone punches someone wrong and there is damage done, both need to come from a sense of compassion, both for the person that was damaged and the one that did the damage. There also has to be that layer of forgiveness towards the one doing the damage, as it wasn’t the intent. If the one being punched turns around in anger, they’ve just destroyed the trust. Seems backwards, doesn’t it? But, if you don’t come from a place of forgiveness, the person on Top isn’t going to trust themselves to be on top again.

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Service/ Spiritual/ Priestess Topping



sexy-flame

Service Topping / Spiritual Topping/ Priestess Topping


As some of you know, I think about this topic a lot. I’m a slave. I’m a submissive. I’m a bottom. The idea of topping / domming/ or Mastering someone….doesn’t do anything for me. But, every once in a while, I fantasize about standing over someone with a crop, flogger, needles or biting them. So, what’s this about? I let the visuals float around in my head, and it feels like I’m missing something in the equation.

If I try to picture the bottom enjoying what I’m doing, it does nothing. If I picture me being a sadist and taking what I want, that does provide a slight tingle, but there is still something missing from the picture that would kick the whole thing into overdrive.

Service topping, to me, would be about providing a session/scene as a service. Bottom wants to experience a skill and I become the tool for them to achieve what they desire. That doesn’t do it…..it’s about the skill.

Spiritual topping ….well what does that exactly mean? I’ve tried to ‘spiritual top’ someone before, which to me, is still providing a service of an experience. Maybe it’s the experience of the Scarlet Sanctuary where I provide sacred touch. I’m still a tool, but a more personal tool. This does it for me, but still on a low level. Don’t get me wrong, I love doing the opening ritual and the closing ritual and providing sacred space and sacred touch, but it doesn’t necessarily feel like topping to me. There are built in limits.

Part of the answer came to me while presenting our class on styles of negotiation at GLLA over the weekend. This class talks about the ‘river’ style of negotiation, as one style. This style is about negotiating a specific scene with a beginning and an ending that has been designed. To me, that would be the style of negotiating for me to service top. Since I’m providing a skill scene, I would need to know the structure that I’m expected to adhere to. This doesn’t do it for me at all.

We talked about our other styles and then we came to the point in the class where we talk about ‘spiritual bdsm negotiation’….about being the ridden by spirit. About having a ‘goal’ and maybe a little structure, but otherwise having a blank canvas to work with. Being allowed to channel whatever comes through, specifically for cathartic work or celebration work. Allowing my walls to drop and just be the powerful priestess that I am.

That’s when it came to me….i’ve tried to put words to it before…..what I’m interested in, and what truly turns me on, and what is in my fantasies as a top, is to be a priestess top. Not just a spiritual top, but a primal priestess top that channels in the energy needed for healing, and trusted with a blank canvas. No rules. Full consent.

I’ve been lucky enough to have had this opportunity a couple of times, and I crave more. Master has allowed me to participate in His re-birthing ritual, with bondage and needles. I didn’t see myself as a top to Him though. I was His priestess using bdsm to provide the fear necessary to break Him down so that He could re-build Himself.

I’ve also had the fulfilling opportunity with a couple of other people and they’ve been amazing. One scene was even added to the book ‘Kink Magic’ by Taylor Ellwood, many years ago.

These are the topping ‘scenes’ that I’m fantasizing about. Priestess topping. The intensity, the depth, the connection to spirit and the Universe. Taking the chance of being ridden in the darkness. Rawrrrrrrrr!!!

Maybe if I throw this out there, the Universe will provide. It’s got to feel right though. I can’t just do it to do it. I did have one experience where they didn’t want to give up control, but wanted Master Dan and I to be the priest and priestess. It didn’t go well, because they didn’t let us channel….they wanted it fully structured their way. They didn’t get the result they wanted. I want a little structure and then stand back as I draw down the Goddess. Light Goddess, Dark Goddess….whatever shows up as the right one for the situation.



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Submission

If anyone is actually reading this blog, you will notice that my posts jump all over the place. From reflecting about Qadishti, Weightloss, Walking, Bodhisattva, Oracle cards, and other random items...every now and then I also ramble about my power exchanges experiences....in my case at this moment, submission.
submissiveness_by_glamurosa666-d4qo8wg
I usually reflect on topics like this in my personal journal, but can’t think of any reason not to share it on here.

I only wanted to mention it because in the last 2 weeks, I’ve had 2 different people tell me that they are interested in me, because of my acceptance of my desire to submit and serve. They don’t want to own me. They understand I am owned and respect the relationship that Master and I have. But, they want to taste what i have to offer. And being in a poly relationship allows me to explore these ‘tasting’ opportunities.

One person in my life is truly enjoying my submissive tendencies, though he is only interested in it from a bedroom perspective and won’t let me serve him (huh, something else to blog about). He likes that i like pain and trust him enough to let him try some things that he used to be able to do with a previous partner, but his wife is totally not into.

The next person, wrote me recently to let me know that the fact that i embrace my submissive/slave side, totally turns him on and he wants to explore that with me. He wants to taste it. He said thinking about experiencing a piece of that energy himself, well....what he said it does to him, i will leave for the personal journal.

My submissiveness nature, is being found as something that is hot. I’m not used to that. It’s been mentioned that the slutty side of me is seen as hot, not the submissive side though. I’m going to sit with this for awhile.
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