Cic

Stress VS. Meditation

 meditation

It’s funny how even good things can cause stress. But, funnier still how meditation can help with how you handle stress. Though, is it meditation, my medication or a combination? Probably a combination, but I have no interest in stopping my ptsd medication any time soon, in case that is helping out here.
 
We are buying a new house. Well, actually, my husband’s girlfriend is buying a new house and we are moving in. Yet, it’s not a single home. It’s 2 homes connected by a door. The ad for the house said ‘3 bedroom home with a mother-in-law suite’. Well, It’s not a suite, it’s a house! A 3 bedroom 2-story house, with a 3 bedroom ranch attached to it. The unicorn of poly houses!

So, exciting, right? Yes, and no. Dan and I haven’t lived with another person in 6 years. It’s just been us in our cozy little nest. Now we are going to be in a large house, and have another person attached to it. Yes, there is a door, but there is still someone on the other side. There will be a lot more sharing of space. As 2 introverts, I’m just not sure how we will handle it. The dog will love it, I’m sure.

This means packing. Lots of packing. Every spare moment, which there isn’t a lot of, is spent packing. Especially since we are having our yard sale this Saturday. Why? When there is 3 weeks till closing? 4 weeks until move in date? Because Dan and I are presenting in Indianapolis and Michigan the 2 weekends before closing. These have been scheduled for a long time and are both events that we’ve never done before. So, we don’t want to cancel because of that, and because presenting feeds our souls. It recharges us. I NEED to be able to present, to teach, to share……otherwise all this crap I’ve been through wasn’t worth it. I use it to help others in our presentations and intensives.
 
And gluttons for punishment, we also did a poly intensive last weekend. 6 hours teaching 14 people. Exhausting, but so much fun! Except for one couple……oy! And drove to Cleveland on a weeknight to present on power exchange to a group up there.
But, back to stress. House, packing, the stress of finding a house, the stress of waiting to see if the house is really going to close, packing. Intensive, prepping for intensive, packing. Presenting, prepping for presentations. The podcast, interviewing for the podcast. The Room, opening and closing for groups at the room.

That’s not enough. Not only are we closing on a house and getting ready to live with someone, and having to change my mind from the resistance, but we are also newly in a business partnership with 2 other couples, getting ready to make the biggest adult ‘community center’, aka dungeon/party/workshop space in the Midwest (except maybe GD2 in Chicago). The building should close with the bank within the next week. So, that means staff meetings. And paperwork, and lawyers and zoning meetings. Luckily I don’t have to do the zoning meetings or the lawyers, but I do have to be involved in the directors meetings and have a saw on the paperwork. So much email back and forth.

House, moving in with husbands girlfriend, business partnership, new building for business, closing CIC over the next couple of months, packing……did I mention packing? Not only the apartment but the CIC.

AND we are in the advertising stages of our event, Beyond the Love! Thank goodness for a great staff and car rides. Why car rides? For our BTL producers meetings. That’s when we talk over all the stuff that needs to be done.

Oy!!! Why does it feel like I’ve left out something?

Oh yes. Dan’s first ex-wife texted me a couple of weeks ago, needing a shoulder. I was her shoulder when she started her healing path, and then she got pissed at me and we didn’t talk for a few years. Then, she found me on facebook and we are cordial to each other. But, one night, a Wednesday night because Dan wasn’t home, she texted me. She was close to a nervous break down and just needed to vent. I was her shoulder. It felt weird, but comfortable at the same time. It’s what I do.
 
Then, even more recently, my sister wrote me out of the blue. Another person that I was helping with her healing path, and then she got pissed at me after being diagnosed with cancer and stopped talking to me. This was after having daily communication.
 
Stress. I’ve got stress. I’ve got stress by the bucket load.
 
It doesn’t help that I’ve put exercise and meditation to the side to make room for everything else. These 2 things are crucial to my survival. Truly!
 
Meditation is believe is the only way I’ve survived all of this. It allows me to take everything one moment at a time. I keep a task list so that I don’t forget all that needs to be done, but otherwise, it’s one step at a time. I can’t worry about everything that is going on. I’ve learned to delegate somewhat. And I breathe. I take moments to just sit with me. And I breathe.
 
Mediation, slowing down my thought process. Feeling when things could shift into depression or anxiety. This has kept me from jumping off the deep end or hiding under the covers or totally losing my mind. Which is a good thing, since these are all wonderful things that are happening.
 
In a month, everything will be different. We will be in the house. The new business building will be bought and will be in the process of transformation. Or it won’t.
 
It’s about the journey…and slowing down the mind with meditation, allows me to smell the roses while everything on the outside feels a little chaotic.
 

Back to meditation in the morning for me. 


Comments

Busy

Part of me is having a hard time coming up with something to write about tonight....the other part of me has a lot of topics running through her head. Some of them are ‘coming up with a new name so that i can attach my Facebook to my husbands new Facebook name’, ‘wanting to walk another half marathon’. ‘not stepping on the scale’, ‘putting on a poly event’.......

So, what to talk about?

It must be quick, I should have been in bed two hours ago. Went to bed late last night as well. Why? Probably because I’m trying to do too much. But, I’m feeling productive.

Last night, I opened the Columbus Insight Center, left the recovery group there to meet on their own for an hour, while I went grocery shopping. Then, I went back, locked up the space and then went home to cook. I prepped 2 crockpots of food for the week, buffalo chicken and turkey chili, along with a breakfast quiche. That should last us for the week.

I also did a couple loads of laundry, packed for the next day, and got some Beyond the Leather work done.

Tonight, I opened the space for a Roundtable, left them to meet on their own, came home to help run a BTL staff meeting, then dropped off alex’s clothes at his place, went back to the space to close up, came home and did a couple loads of laundry, typed up notes from the meeting and posted them.

So, so many late nights, early mornings and more late nights.

I was excited today at the thought of another half marathon, then I was describing it to my husband, and this feeling of dread flowed through me. I’m not sure if it was his reaction of another scheduled weekend, or my own emotions at the idea of being away from home.

But, I need a goal and I’m afraid the goals I have aren’t working. I’ll keep thinking about it.

Hoping I don’t look like this at work in the morning....

tired_kid
Comments