ego

belet dawn

belet dawn is a name that Master gave to me a couple of years ago, as a way for a new person in our lives to address me.

belet: Priestess servant of Belum. A role that is normally fulfilled by a trained and experienced slave. He/she follows because she decides to, but is strong enough to take the reins when need be. Kneels to Belum without hesitation and understands this is where his/her heart thrives.

 
I so want this to be my name everywhere.

belet dawn.

Priestess servant of Belum - These very words make my stomach flip. The extension of His will. A person that can manifest and heal at His direction.

Fulfilled by a trained and experienced slave – Through lots of dedicated work on both of our parts, this is who I am.

Follows because she decides to, but is strong enough to take the reins when need be – I follow someone I respect and that has earned my trust in all ways. I hold nothing back in my service. I am strong. I can support. I can lead. Sacred Flame Circle, clergy work, and the CIC are just a few examples of where my strength comes into play. If Master is sick or hands something to me, I don’t have any doubt that I can take the reins. Yet, I follow Him. i respect him, trust him and He owns all of me.

Kneels to Belum without hesitation and understands this is where his/her heart thrives – I kneel physically and in my heart. To be His. To be at his command at a snap. Not hesitation. I don’t have to decide to submit. It is as natural to me with Him, as breathing. The idea of Him snapping His fingers or giving me that look, for me to kneel and obey, makes me smile with my whole heart/self.

This is where I thrive.


To be this core self, means dropping my ego and perceived self. It means I don’t have to protect myself from the one that owns me. I don't have to protect him from me. I can just be me, my powerful self, my soft self, my loving self, my dark self, my self that craves to serve Him.

Much of this is hard to put into words..... the feeling, the depth, the love, the completeness i feel when i serve Him, when i feel that ownership, knowing i am owned by Him and Him alone.

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Bodhisattva (part 3)

Bodhisattva (part 3)
 
From the same magazine article, is this statement:

“By taking the bodhisattva vow, we open ourselves to many demands. If we are asked for help, we should not refuse; if we are invited to be a parent, we should not refuse. In other words, we have to have some kind of interest in taking care of people, some appreciation of the phenomenal world and its occupants. It is not an easy matter. It requires that we not be completely tired and put off by people’s heavy-handed neurosis, ego-dirt, ego-puke, or ego-diarrhea; instead we are appreciative and willing to clean up for them. It is a sense of softness whereby we allow situations to take place in spite of little inconveniences; we allow situations to bother us, to overcrowd us.”

I’m still trying to figure this one out. We should not refuse help. If we are invited to be a parent, we should not refuse. ……also the idea that we should be willing to clean up peoples ‘ego-dirt, ego-puke or ego-diarrhea or heavy-handed neurosis’….again, I’m not sure I get the benefit of cleaning up behind people. Or exactly what that means.

As someone that used to allow themselves to be walking over, used and abused, it sounds like it’s asking me to do the same. It sounds like when Amanda in Chicago, told me that to be a Priestess, meant that I should go back home and attempt to heal my main perp. I just don’t understand why I’m supposed to put myself in a position to clean up after others. How do they learn their life lessons if someone is always cleaning up after them?

This is the part of the vow that just doesn’t click for me. I would rather live in a way that others want to emulate. Show doors. Open eyes. Have compassion and show people they are valuable human beings. Not walk behind them with a broom as they shit on me. Because that is what it will feel like. Ego-dirt, Ego-puke, heavy-handed neurosis is all about drama. Why feed the drama?


Maybe I have this idea all wrong and am just not understanding what he’s trying to convey. But, at the moment, this idea feel icky and unhealthy. 

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