emotions

Monty Python


monty python

Yesterday was such a wonderful experience. We were able to see Monty Python on stage....via satellite. Not that same as live, but probably a better view than any ticket we would have been able to afford in person, plus plane ticket.

While we are watching the countdown, my stomach gets that butterfly feeling and I want to cry. Why so emotional? I have no clue, but the same thing happens when I see people in parades, or concerts, or anything like that. Is it the talent that I’m getting ready to witness? Is the memory of the times I’ve laughed watching them? Is it the thought that this may be the last time they are together? They’ve already lost one member of the team and neither of them are younger than 71 years old. I don’t know, I just know that I’m super excited.

I did end up crying during the viewing. There were moments that just showed how old they are. Other moments where I was crying because I was laughing so hard. And moments that were just touching. Sometimes that feels good, to be in touch with my emotions on such a level, and them not get out of control.


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Labeling Emotions

Labeling emotions is a skill that I never developed as a child. When I was growing up, everything was labeled under their big umbrella terms: hate, love, fear, anger, happy, etc.

Since deciding to live in a Power Exchange relationship and to embrace Polyamorous love styles, it’s important to learn the emotions that are nuances of the bigger umbrella emotions. This takes skill and time and dedication.

Why do I bring this up? Because after all these years, it would be nice to be better at this. I had a moment just before my weekend conference where I was triggered with a feeling and the only thing I could think to label it as was ‘hurt’. But, even when I was writing the person about how I was feeling, I had to put a question mark after ‘hurt’...and then wondered through typing, if it was actually ‘jealousy’ or ‘envy’, but had to put question marks after those as well.

It wasn’t until attending a workshop on Saturday at the Winter Wickedness event here in Columbus, OH that I discovered a word that felt better. It was a poly workshop by Cunning Mynx and someone brought up the word, ‘insecure’. Hah! That’s what the label was that I was looking for!

And this is why labels in general can be beneficial tools for me. Now that I know what it is, I can work on demantleing it, breaking it apart. ‘Hurt’?, ‘Jealous’?, and ‘Envious’? I can’t work with, because they have question marks. Insecure, I can work with logically, which helps me work through it emotionally at some point.

Yeah for workshops!
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