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Family of Origin vs Family of Choice



family of choice


The last couple of weeks have been very eye opening for me. I’ve watched my family of choice support Caitlyn (Bruce) Jenner for coming out as a Trans woman…and I’ve seen my family of origin sink into their hate of anything that is different that they don’t understand.
 
It was ugly. I posted a facebook poster about how everyone is courageous and on their own journey and my Aunt Betty and the daughter of a friend of mine decide to go at it on my post. Then, my mother came back and shouted ‘HE’S A FAG’. Oh my word, really? On my facebook post? DELETE. Yep, I deleted the whole post. I had 1% power on my phone and I used it to delete their hateful post. I was so embarrassed of my family and hope that my friends, and gay family members that haven’t come out of the closet yet, didn’t see it.
 
When I look at my growth as a person, my family of origin in the barometer that I look at. Wow. It’s no wonder I never fit in. That level of hate and judgement for someone they don’t even know. It’s unbelievable to me. And it’s all of my family. I’m so glad I got the kids away from that sort of atmosphere.
 
My husband is upset because I leave them on my facebook. I don’t know why I do it. It is my only way of contact. I don’t phone them anymore. I don’t have any contact with my sister Teresa anymore after our fight, which I still don’t have a clue as to what it was over. So, facebook it is. It’s also satisfying to me to give them peeks as to who I am. How I’m a happy person in love with life. How I can be compassionate and loving. No spewing of hate from me.
 
My friends seem to enjoy that part about me. My family of origin could care less. Not a single one of them spoke up when I started posting about losing (Master) Rick a couple of days ago. Not a single one offered support. My friends (family of choice did) and they are the ones that have been there for me. I don’t get it. I’ve never gotten it.
 
My mother (we won’t speak of my father), has never supported me in anything I’ve done or wanted to do through my life. From accepting the invitation to be in the gifted program in elementary school, to being in the band in jr. high, to staying after school to be in the Keyettes in highschool, to having my first child, to buying a house, to getting a divorce…she has never supported me in any of these endeavors. Yet, my chosen family support me in everything I do. Every presentation, every event, every book, every project, nothing but support.
 

So, I understand why my husband would be confused as to why I keep them on facebook. Hell, after writing all of this…..I wonder myself. Unless it really does boil down to showing them that I survived and am happy with my life. (not that they care)

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Facebook group - 101 in 1001

I just started a new facebook group that feels like it’s going to be a lot of fun if people will participate.

Years ago, Lee Harrington mentioned the fact that he has something he does, called a 101 in 1001 days list. I didn’t know that this was actually a ‘thing’ when I decided to copy the idea. I figured that if something like that could keep Lee on track with all the projects he’s involved in, I might be able to keep track of everything I want to do and add some fun stuff into it. My life had lost focus and goals give me focus.

So, now I’m on my 3
rd round, though I don’t think I officially finished the 2nd round. I was finishing everything so fast that I was adding things to it as fast as I was completing them, instead of finishing the list and then creating a new one on the due date.

So, time to start over. Michelle, D’arts wife, gave me a bucket list book and it re-fueled my interest. I’m hoping this facebook group helps. I went through my facebook friends and picked 20 strong women that I felt would like help with their goals, could be self-motivated and might be good at motivating others.

Sarah Sloane was doing this with her weightlifting group that she invited me to, and it’s going very well. I’m curious what this group of strong women can accomplish together.

crossing my fingers that it keeps me on track as well. I’ve got some items that have been on my list since my first round of 101 goals…..over 5 years ago.
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