The Goddess Box


Today, I finally completed another goal on my ‘101 in 1001’ day’s goal list. It’s been on my list forever. Mainly because I had this image in mind of what I wanted, but don’t have the skill to make something along the lines of what I envisioned.

It’s a Goddess Box.

Because of what I have in mind to do with it, I wanted something smoky and mystical. Painted or multi-media type stuff. But, I’m in need of one at the moment before I have a nervous breakdown. So, I’m been percolating ideas. I finally thought about using a tarot card to make the top of the box. I wasn’t sure which tarot card, but not the one that I currently had on my altar. I had gotten that one from twisted tryst last year and had hoped to repurpose it, but after studying it, it just didn’t feel right. Actually, what felt right was the ‘Fool’ card and the ‘World’ card. They are the ones that show motion.

Here are a couple of meanings that spoke to me:


The Fool:

The Fool is always an indicator of newness; as well as the purity and open-hearted energy of a child. This is generally considered a positive card, with the caveat that it's important to take time to be sure that you are "looking where you're going."

Other people may not understand or support your new ideas and/or proposals, but if you know that you're right, press ahead, and try to help them to understand where you are coming from. This sometimes will indicate finding a new position - or even that the time could be right for you to "go off on your own" and start your own business.

In terms of finances, the Fool is an extremely positive significator. You can expect increase, and furthermore, you will find it in yourself to know that no matter what happens financially, that you will be all right and will "come out on top." Trust yourself, work hard, and you will do better than you expect.


The World:

The World can signify that you are figuratively feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders, which is not an easy place to be. It's an excellent time to review how well you do at "asking for help" when you need it. Remember you don't have to do everything on your own.

This can often be a card of completion. You've worked hard, and you are almost to the "finish line" in some way. Don't quit now that you're almost finished! You're almost definitely in need of some well deserved rest and relaxation; don't be afraid to take it. You are getting closer to "who you really are," at your deepest levels.

If money has been a bit stagnant for you - this is a good sign that this "blockage" will soon break and you'll find yourself "flush" once again. Don't go mad with spending, when it breaks, though. This is an important time to begin saving and protecting yourself so that if hard times come again, that you'll be ore prepared. But for now, you should be able to rest easier about money.


What is a Goddess Box?

For me, a Goddess Box is a place where I can ‘Let Go and Let Goddess’. In other words, it’s where I can drop my fears with situations, my grief, my annoyances…..anything that is in the way of me being happy….anything that is occupying my thoughts way too much……and give them to the Goddess to take care of.

I write these items on a piece of paper, kiss them good-bye and ask the Goddess to take care of them as I put the slips of paper into the box.

I used to have one of these, and then figured that I was strong enough to deal with anything that came my way on my own. I forget how empowering it is to give my problems to the Universe. To surrender to the experiences that I’m experiencing. Being the observer (a Buddhist concept) only goes so far for me on some days, when my life becomes overwhelming. I have to do something physical.

Last night, I created the Goddess Box and put it on my altar.

It doesn’t look anything like I imagined. Instead of handcrafted, smoky and mystical….it’s a round, mass-marketed printed cardboard with green designs and flowers. But, it spoke to me. Then, I took black magic marker and wrote “Fool -> World” around the rim of the lid. And added “Let Go and Let Goddess” on the bottom. And somewhere on it, I wrote “I release my fears”.

This morning, I blessed the box and dedicated it to the Goddess, with the intent of releasing my fears, so that I could let go of the issue. Then, I sat on the couch and really thought of what I’d like to let go and let the Goddess work on. She has more time than me anyway, and knows what my next step should be.

I thought there was only 3 things I needed to let go. Nope. I’d been repressing some stuff it seems. And 7 pieces of paper later, each kissed and placed in the box, I was feeling a little better because I had taken a step to work through this depression, instead of telling myself that I shouldn’t be depressed.

I’ll take a picture of the box and add it here.

But, I’m feeling a little better.


Service/ Spiritual/ Priestess Topping


Service Topping / Spiritual Topping/ Priestess Topping

As some of you know, I think about this topic a lot. I’m a slave. I’m a submissive. I’m a bottom. The idea of topping / domming/ or Mastering someone….doesn’t do anything for me. But, every once in a while, I fantasize about standing over someone with a crop, flogger, needles or biting them. So, what’s this about? I let the visuals float around in my head, and it feels like I’m missing something in the equation.

If I try to picture the bottom enjoying what I’m doing, it does nothing. If I picture me being a sadist and taking what I want, that does provide a slight tingle, but there is still something missing from the picture that would kick the whole thing into overdrive.

Service topping, to me, would be about providing a session/scene as a service. Bottom wants to experience a skill and I become the tool for them to achieve what they desire. That doesn’t do it…..it’s about the skill.

Spiritual topping ….well what does that exactly mean? I’ve tried to ‘spiritual top’ someone before, which to me, is still providing a service of an experience. Maybe it’s the experience of the Scarlet Sanctuary where I provide sacred touch. I’m still a tool, but a more personal tool. This does it for me, but still on a low level. Don’t get me wrong, I love doing the opening ritual and the closing ritual and providing sacred space and sacred touch, but it doesn’t necessarily feel like topping to me. There are built in limits.

Part of the answer came to me while presenting our class on styles of negotiation at GLLA over the weekend. This class talks about the ‘river’ style of negotiation, as one style. This style is about negotiating a specific scene with a beginning and an ending that has been designed. To me, that would be the style of negotiating for me to service top. Since I’m providing a skill scene, I would need to know the structure that I’m expected to adhere to. This doesn’t do it for me at all.

We talked about our other styles and then we came to the point in the class where we talk about ‘spiritual bdsm negotiation’….about being the ridden by spirit. About having a ‘goal’ and maybe a little structure, but otherwise having a blank canvas to work with. Being allowed to channel whatever comes through, specifically for cathartic work or celebration work. Allowing my walls to drop and just be the powerful priestess that I am.

That’s when it came to me….i’ve tried to put words to it before…..what I’m interested in, and what truly turns me on, and what is in my fantasies as a top, is to be a priestess top. Not just a spiritual top, but a primal priestess top that channels in the energy needed for healing, and trusted with a blank canvas. No rules. Full consent.

I’ve been lucky enough to have had this opportunity a couple of times, and I crave more. Master has allowed me to participate in His re-birthing ritual, with bondage and needles. I didn’t see myself as a top to Him though. I was His priestess using bdsm to provide the fear necessary to break Him down so that He could re-build Himself.

I’ve also had the fulfilling opportunity with a couple of other people and they’ve been amazing. One scene was even added to the book ‘Kink Magic’ by Taylor Ellwood, many years ago.

These are the topping ‘scenes’ that I’m fantasizing about. Priestess topping. The intensity, the depth, the connection to spirit and the Universe. Taking the chance of being ridden in the darkness. Rawrrrrrrrr!!!

Maybe if I throw this out there, the Universe will provide. It’s got to feel right though. I can’t just do it to do it. I did have one experience where they didn’t want to give up control, but wanted Master Dan and I to be the priest and priestess. It didn’t go well, because they didn’t let us channel….they wanted it fully structured their way. They didn’t get the result they wanted. I want a little structure and then stand back as I draw down the Goddess. Light Goddess, Dark Goddess….whatever shows up as the right one for the situation.


Name chosen

I was reading and reading, checking out sanskrit, pali and summerian words. When i left off a couple of days ago, my search screens were open to parvati. i love the concept of parvati, submissive to her godly husband but also his rock. So, i started digging and came up with about 20 more words.

But, one that really jumped out at me was ‘

It could be partly due to the fact that i’ve been reading the ‘Dark Tower’ by Stephen King and there is a song in there about ‘Kamala’, though i did find out that they spell it ‘Camala’. i like the ‘K’ spelling of it though.

And the more i researched her, the more i liked what i read. i also couldn’t believe that i have come across her name before in the book ‘Siddhartha’. And after re-reading that chapter, i can see why her name and archetypal energy really speak to me.


Here is what i’ve put together, the pieces that speak to me and that i’ll embrace by taking on her name:

- Hindu Goddess who manages spirituality, love, passion, pleasure, relationships, self-love and sexuality.

- Symbolizes good humor, optimism, confidence, clear-thinking, wide horizons, wisdom, spontaneity, and authenticity

- Courtesan that taught Siddhartha the ways of love-making

- Siddharthas strength is equaled by the strength of her love

- Siddhartha is admiring and authoritative at the same time

- Kamala equals the ‘Lotus Goddess of Delight’

- Kamala is a form of Shakti energy

- Kamala is seen as part of Parvati

- Parvati is seen as the submissive, obedient wife and helpmate of Shiva, the shakta’s see her as his equal with different strengths

- Parvati’s story with Shiva is about merging with the Divine

- Each of Parvati’s manifested forms (of which Kamala is one) made Shiva realize essential truths, made him aware of the truth of their eternal love

- Kamala is also seen as another version of Lakshmi, though unlike Lashmi she isn’t associated with normal wifely or social norms

- Kamala is one of the 10 Wisdom Goddess. A very power goddess in her own right, able to stand on her own.

- It is their power that pervades the Gods, and enables them to perform their cosmic functions

- The Gods support the Mahavidyas (Wisdom Goddesses)

- Kamala is the pure creative force, the power to create beauty and wealth around us, and to see the beauty in everything.

- She is a powerful Tantric Goddess.

- Kamala teaches us that when we commit ourselves to the spiritual path, as we move farther along we begin to see beauty all around us

- Kamala is of spiritual progress. With her help, we learn to drop the drama of everyday life, and release the bitterness towards those that have harmed us or bruised our egos

- She helps us see the god/dess in everything and everyone

- She is the spirit of nature itself, and is manifest in the natural world.

- By recognizing her beauty in the natural world all around us, we also move further down the path of the sadhaka, the spiritual practitioner who communes with God in every moment, and offers every action to the Divine Mother as worship, remaining detached from the fruits of action and enjoying the acts of service, generosity and prayer for their own sake.

- She is the spirit of giving, not of taking. She is the spirit of receiving graciously and gratefully, not of greed.

- Kamala as lotus goddess also represents developement of the person by maintaining the dharma of keeping the seven chakras open.

- She is very sattvic like Venus or Aphrodite

- She is the Light Goddess and likes fine and sattvic things and actions like charity.

- She gives peace, prosperity and pleasure, and moksha.

- In epistemological and psychological sense, moksha connotes freedom, self-realization and self-knowledge.

The Hindu ‘lotus girl’ of pleasure promotes ongoing faithfulness in our relationships inspired by mutual enjoyment and an abundance of love.

- Kamala also makes us aware of the spiritual dimensions in our physical exchanges that sometimes get overlooked.


Symbols - lotus, yellow objects

We can workshop Kamala simply by spending time in nature and appreciating its profound beauty, and also by beings stewards of the earth.

Anything that includes cinnamon, garlic or saffron is a good alternative choice, as these items bear Kamala’s lusty energy.

To improve your ability to give and receive love, including self-love, wear yellow-colored clothing today, especially an item that is worn near the heart chakra (a blouse, shirt, tie, bra or perhaps a gold necklace or tie back). As you don that item, say,

‘Let pleasure flow freely from my heart;
Kamala, abide there - your love impart.’

Wear this piece of clothing or jewelry again anytime you enact spells or rituals focused on sexuality or relationships.

** the trick is to remember to embrace her name as a verb, instead of a noun **