Turn Towards the Problem

This article was sent to my mailbox, and I found it though I didn’t write it, I did comment after most lines.


Turn Toward the Problem
By Leo Babauta

Much of our lives is spent trying to ignore problems, not wanting to deal with them, procrastinating.

Bills are pushed to the side to deal with later.  (* I have a bill laying on my desk right now, that I keep looking past. No clue why. Avoiding, though I have the money.)

People we have troubles with are avoided. (* I have 3 of them in my life right now. Don’t want to deal with them and their issues, so I avoid them.)

Work we don’t want to do is put off while we browse the Internet. (*Browsing the internet while I’m supposed to be working is how I found this article.)

The diet is put off until tomorrow as we eat more junk. (*Old Dawn, not current Dawn.)

Our insecurities are not admitted because we don’t want to think about them. (*I don’t have any insecurities that I will admit to.)

This kind of avoidance, unfortunately, doesn’t work. We put these things off and the problems only fester and grow worse. Bills become late and interest racks up and eventually we’ll have to deal with the bills, but they’ll be much worse than if we’d only dealt with them immediately. Our work becomes late, our waistlines become bigger, our insecurities grow.

Not facing our problems isn’t the solution. (*On the surface we’ve convinced ourselves it works.)

Instead, let’s turn toward our problems. (*My shadows knees are knocking.)

This helped me when I was in debt and trying to avoid thinking about it — when I turned toward the debt, as scary as that was, I was able to deal with it. (*Currently attempting to do that.)

It helped me deal with clutter, which is another form of avoidance. Clutter is about putting off dealing with items by putting them aside, and then they pile on top of each other, waiting to be dealt with. (*I’m better with clutter, but my husband would disagree.)

Turning toward my weight issues allowed me to get healthier. (*This is what I’m working on now.)

Turning toward the problem of killing animals for the pleasure of food allowed me to change to a more compassionate vegan diet. (*I still like meat, don’t know that this will ever change. Not sure if that’s unfortunate or not.)

Turning toward my sedentary lifestyle helped me to get more active. (*I am here as well, and reaping fabulous results.)

It has helped my work, my relationships, my inner peace. (*Yes. Yes. And Yes.)

Turning toward a problem is scary as hell. That’s why we avoid it. But you can overcome that fear and do it anyway. You can look the problem directly in the face and open yourself up to it. Only then can you deal with it, and see that it’s not as scary as you think. Because by turning away from the problem, we give it power, and the fear of it rules our lives. (*Shadow gains power, until we turn the light on it.)

Let’s take away that power, and shine a little light on the problem. (*Huh, exactly what I just said.)

Allow ourselves to feel the pain, to feel the fear and still take action. (*This can be hard.)

To begin the healing. (*A long journey.)

To begin to create something new and amazing from the ills that have been hiding in the dark. (*This is the exciting part.)

Turn toward the problem and you turn it into something beautiful.


Labeling Emotions

Labeling emotions is a skill that I never developed as a child. When I was growing up, everything was labeled under their big umbrella terms: hate, love, fear, anger, happy, etc.

Since deciding to live in a Power Exchange relationship and to embrace Polyamorous love styles, it’s important to learn the emotions that are nuances of the bigger umbrella emotions. This takes skill and time and dedication.

Why do I bring this up? Because after all these years, it would be nice to be better at this. I had a moment just before my weekend conference where I was triggered with a feeling and the only thing I could think to label it as was ‘hurt’. But, even when I was writing the person about how I was feeling, I had to put a question mark after ‘hurt’...and then wondered through typing, if it was actually ‘jealousy’ or ‘envy’, but had to put question marks after those as well.

It wasn’t until attending a workshop on Saturday at the Winter Wickedness event here in Columbus, OH that I discovered a word that felt better. It was a poly workshop by Cunning Mynx and someone brought up the word, ‘insecure’. Hah! That’s what the label was that I was looking for!

And this is why labels in general can be beneficial tools for me. Now that I know what it is, I can work on demantleing it, breaking it apart. ‘Hurt’?, ‘Jealous’?, and ‘Envious’? I can’t work with, because they have question marks. Insecure, I can work with logically, which helps me work through it emotionally at some point.

Yeah for workshops!