Poly

The Joy of......


I think I'm going to write more joyful posts.....

The Joy of being Poly.....
The Joy of being a Slut...
The Joy of being a slave...
The Joy of......whatever is making me happy that day. 

I love this idea. 

For today.....i have 2. 

The Joy of being Poly and the joy of being a slut....pokemon. 

How can I write about the Joy of being poly and the joy of being a slut and the story be focused around Pokemon? Simple. The boyfriend. 

We couldn't meet on our usual Wednesday night because his wife had just gotten back from a trip and he wanted to spend time with her. So, we went out last night instead. We talked and talked about past relationships. He let me talk about the old boyfriend that I just came across again recently. 

And then we went out pokemon hunting. Oddly enough, this is something that I don't share with my husband. He tried it for an hour or so and just didn't get into it. Whereas, I love it and got the boyfriends wife to play and between the two of us, got him interested in playing. So, now we have something we share. So, after dinner, it was off to go hunting. A Joy of Poly. 

Before we left the restaraunt, I made sure to take off my panties. Just in case he was feeling frisky. Needless to say, I was wearing a skirt. It wouldn't make sense to take off panties if I was wearing pants. 

We also talked about what it was like to be a slut. He talked about his slutty past. I talked about my slutty past, which didn't match his for number of partners. Though I've had more kinky encounters. 

So, pokemon hunting in the dark. Downtown of a small town where we had met for dinner. Lots of people. Lots of dark places. After putting a hand on my ass, he realized what I had done to prepare for this time together. He smiled. Not once, not twice, not three times; he gave me the opportunity to push my slutty boundaries. He was great at making sure no one was around, and I could have always said no. But, I liked the feeling of my heart racing, my breath coming out as panting, him taking charge, and him protecting me and us. I was thinking clearly for the most part and made the choice each time to follow through with what he asked. And it was fucking hot! I'm so glad I didn't chicken out. The Joy of being a Slut. 



Comments

A Joy of Poly.....Wine

I have been having a great time writing about my joys with poly.....

As i was in the shower this morning, it struck me that one of my joys of poly is just the fact that i get to experience the world through others eyes. There are things that Dan and i don't do together, because one of us isn't interested and the other one isn't interested enough to seek it out. BUT, if you are dating someone with different interests, you may end up doing some things you may or may not have thought of, and enjoy yourself, simply becasue it's something that the other person likes. 

For example, Dan doesn't drink. Won't drink. Can't drink. Actually, it would break our M/s contract if He did drink. He's been clean/dry since 1989, so that's a mandatory for Him. Out of respect for Him, i don't drink in front of Him and with alcoholism running in my family and it being an issue for me when i'm drepressed, i stay away from it on my own....But when you have a boyfriend that knows a little about wine and has done wine tastings before, and you've never done a wine tasting....what a great way to experience it. Yes, you can do this with friends. i know this. But, how much more fun to do it with someone you are in a relationship with?

So, we went to hocking hills for our anniversary, and one of the things we did was go to a winery down there and do some wine tasting. I didn't even know they had wineries in Ohio! And it was so much fun! Sipping the little bits of each flavor, being poured by the owner of the vineyard. And i'm not a wine drinker. i've never come across a wine that i like. But, that day i got to try 12 different wines (and remember why i don't like them.....bleck). And i caught a buzz, which was a surprise to me from those little sips. The owner took it as a challenge when he found out that i actually didn't like wine. It was his mission to find one i would like. And he won! From those 12, 11 were yuck. i'm not sure how people drink that stuff. But, 1....there was 1 that i could enjoy. So, we bought a bottle and sat out on the porch on a wicker couch, under the fans, overlooking the vineyards and enjoyed a glass, celebrating our anniversary. We only drank 1/2 a bottle and then had the owner recork it and we took the rest with us back to the cabin, along with another bottle for each of us. 

This is not something that was on my bucket list, i would have done on my own, and i don't have friends that i would have done this with. but what an amazing experience trying something new with someone important to me.

Now I can’t wait to go back and get another bottle…..though the next time i’m there, i’ll be with his wife.
Comments

Poly Book Review


OK…..i don’t usually bash other peoples books…..but….


It’s very frustrating to come across a book on a topic that you’d like to read more about, and then realize that it’s full of mis-information. Usually I would get upset and stop reading the book, but instead I’m using it as fodder for writing about my thoughts on the subject.

The subject is Polyamory. The book is ‘The Polyamorous Relationship: Discover What it is, How it Works, and Whether or Not It’s Right for You’ by Peter Landry.

Right off the bat, in the introduction, I was like ‘WTF’. In the introduction, he talks about how his first experience with poly was when he found out that his great grandmother had bought a woman for his great grandfather, because she didn’t want any more children by him. The author considered this to be poly. Hello, this is slavery not poly, regardless of the fact that they lived together. The first descriptor that many of us use when we talk about poly, is how it’s ethical. I don’t believe that buying another human being is ethical, so therefore call it what it is.

I can’t find any more information on this author, so I have no clue if he himself is poly or not. But, by the way the book is written, I’d have to say that he isn’t. For one, right off the bat, he confuses poly and swinging. He says that poly is the umbrella term, and swinging falls under that umbrella term. What? Sorry, they are 2 different lifestyles that fall under the umbrella term, ‘non-monogamy’.

Chapter 1 is titled: Considering a Polyamorous Relationship? In this chapter he talks about the fact that he ‘knows’ people that live this life and therefore he’s ‘in a unique position to address this subject.’….again, WTF? That would be like me saying, ‘I know people that are in the military, so that puts me in a unique position to write about military life.’

Chapter 2 is titled: Swinging with Swingers. Really. Here we are at the beginning we are going to talk about swinging in a poly book? As I read through this chapter I had to read parts aloud to Dan and Karen, who had the same response that I did. …..’WTF?’. This author says that all swingers are couples and that most do it to save their marriages, and that they are all looking to find other couples to swap partners with. Not true. I know many singles that are swingers. And some that don’t swing with their partners if they have partners, and some that swing with some poly partners but not others. There is no box and the fact that this guy builds a box, tells me he doesn’t have much experience.

OH…..and he says this which even had me feeling icky……’Some men don’t like being touched by other men (ditto with women). If you want to try swinging to explore your gay side, make that very clear before all four of you hop into the car for the drive home.’ Wow, if I want to explore my GAY side…..really?

Chapter 3 is titled: Understanding Polyfidelity. Why would you go from a couple of paragraphs about considering poly in chapter 1, to swinging in chapter 2, to polyfidelity? Ok whatever, I’m not the author of a poly book (yet), so will reserve judgement on the order of chapters. There is plenty of other stuff that has my panties in a wad. ….Chapter 3. Though the title says ‘Understanding Polyfidelity’, he goes on to talk about different types of relationship configurations. One of the ones he talks about is the ‘V’. “Vs are usually temporary because two members have a stronger bond and were already together when the third person entered the relationship.’ I know a couple of people in V’s that would explode at this idea.
 
OK…..on to Chapter 4




Comments

Couples Privilege

couple

Couples Privilege:

This seems to be a hot topic in the poly community lately. I’m not sure I understand what the issue is.
I just read an article to make sure that I understood the issue that people are having, and I still don’t get it. There are all kinds of poly and just because you go into it as a couple, and make decisions as a couple, doesn’t make it a ‘wrong’ kind of poly.
 
Yes, there are advantages to being a couple and then bringing other people in. For us, we try to be as honest about what we are looking for as possible. Sometimes it’s a person to date together, sometimes separately. And anyone I date, needs to know that my husband comes first. Is that wrong? It may be hurtful if the other person has low self-esteem or abandonment issues. But, is it ‘wrong’? Do we have to change who we are and how we deal with our poly relationships? I don’t think so.
 
I hear a lot of ‘what about the other people’? The third that you bring in? Ok. What about it? If we are up front with what we are looking for and what we have available to offer after a lot of soul searching, is it our fault if they decide it’s not what they want and expect us to change? This has happened a couple of times to us. It’s unfortunate.
I’ve had someone tell me it’s because I’m part of a couple that I can’t see what I wrong with this. OK. Well, I’m also a third to someone that is married and they work their relationship the same way. Their marriage with children is primary. I am second. Yes, he loves me and I’m his partner and he tries to make things fair to me, but it’s a different relationship than what he has with his wife.
 
There’s nothing wrong with that. I knew this going in. And if I want more than what is being offered, it’s my choice to stay or go. Same with those that join us; together or individually. Poly relationships are never going to be 100% fair. What would even be the point of that? And what does ‘fair’ even mean in this situation.
I’m starting to think that I’m in the minority with this thinking, at least vocally. How I see people live is very different. Rarely do I see poly pods that are 100% equal and ‘fair’.

I’m ok with being part of a couple that is limited in what they have to offer to others. And I’m ok with being a girlfriend to a married guy that puts his marriage first. Do I get privileges? Sure. Do they get privileges, sure.
 
I just finished the article and nope, I still don’t get what the issue is. Yes, I understand that in society a married couple gets more privileges than say, a triad; with banks, hospitals, even hotels. But, within relationships, people are allowed to set up how they want to do relationships. I actually think it’s a little rude for a new person to come in and then think that everything should automatically shift to make them an equal in the relationship. We’ve had that happen before too. It doesn’t work that way. Or maybe for some people it does, but not in my experience.

And it fees a little rude to assume what that newer person is looking for as well. To assume that they will have an issue with the couple having different responsibilities, etc. etc., means we are thinking for them. Instead get to know the person first. And to everyone, if it doesn’t work, follow your feet. Easier said than done, I know. But, in the end, if something doesn’t work for us then we have to make the choice to stay or go. And if we decide to stay, we need to be ok with not being able to change people or situations.
 
All in all, to assume that one way is wrong and one way is right just has that elitist feel. Monogamous isn’t better. Poly isn’t better. Certain types of poly aren’t better or worse than others. We are all different and therefore it makes sense that there are different ways of doing poly. Build what works for you and if it works, live it. If you meet someone that does it differently, and it’s not a fit, don’t judge, move on.

*Edit - I was part of a poly panel today…..and 8/9ths of the panel were part of a couple that then opened their marriage.



 
Comments

Valentine's Day



Happy-Valentines-Day-Image-7



Valentine’s Day is a funny day for me. Not as bad as ‘sweetest day’, but pretty close. Why? Because it’s a made up day. Well, not really; it does had ancient roots as a fertility festival time. But, Valentine’s Day with the way Westerners celebrate it, it completely fake. It’s a day to prove your love to someone by buying them things. It’s a day of cards, candy, flowers. Those companies that sell these products need us to buy this stuff, so they push the guilt trips.
 
I don’t want to be bought something because it’s a day to buy it according to the media and companies that are selling stuff in stores. If I could stay out of the stores, I wouldn’t feel the need to buy anything. But, the pressure is there. And being poly, makes it even harder. Why? Because I saw my husbands girlfriend get flowers delivered from her new boyfriend. And then candy delivered from her other boyfriend. And my husband’ play partner had dinner made for them by a friend on their date night just before Valentine’s Day. I must say that I was a little jealous. Logically I knew I didn’t need my guys to prove anything to me with gifts …..but…..
 
If it was just me and my husband, like it used to be, gifts and cards wouldn’t be bought on Valentines Day. There just isn’t a need. We know we love each other, the cards will get thrown away at some point, the candy isn’t part of our eating plan, cut flowers are dead, and giving me a live plant is like handing someone over to a known murderer. So, what’s the point? We do we give these gifts on this day? And how did I get sucked into this year?
 
Well, it started with the resolve not to give each other cards or gifts, for all the reasons I mentioned above. I remained firm. Then, I was in the grocery store where the cards were right there as soon as you walked in the door. They were pretty and I looked. Then, I found one that I absolutely wanted to give to my husband partner. I flipped it over and saw that it was $9.00. $9 !!!!! What the hell? It’s a folded piece of paper with a saying. Granted it’s a nice piece of paper and I love the saying. But, I’m not paying $9 for a card that is going to gather dust or be thrown away. So, I put it back.
 
But, the line had been crossed. I had actually thought about getting a card. So, the next day when I was in the line at the post office and saw the rack of cards, I couldn’t resist temptation. And there was a card with a skunk on it. A skunk. Dan’s animal totem is a skunk. And right next to it was another card that was perfect for my boyfriend. Damn! I just couldn’t resist. I bought them, knowing that I was then going to have to let the husband know that I bought him a card so that he wouldn’t be taken by surprise since we don’t usually do that.
 
Then, the next day I’m in the grocery store again. There was candy. There was Star Wars candy that the boyfriend would LOVE. And there was the kind of candy that my husband likes slightly more than others. I look hard to find the perfect ones, and then add them to the grocery cart. What the hell am I doing? Am I really buying this stuff? I didn’t get anything from the boyfriend last year, probably because he heard that the husband and I didn’t exchange gifts. But, here I was this year buying cards AND gifts. And even went so far as to buy the boyfriend’s wife a card. I’ve really gone over the deep end.
 
The next day was my day to visit the boyfriend. I brought his gift and card, her card and even bought their son a bag of candy. I was uncontrollable. Kicking myself for falling into the Valentine’s trap. Afraid I was going to make my men feel obligated to buy me something in return on a day we don’t usually celebrate. But, also feeling happy that I had bought them something. I do like giving gifts, just not on days that society says I should or I’m a failure.
 
I warned the husband about the card and gift, assuring him that he didn’t need to give me anything in return. I knew he would accept my words.
 
But, the next day at the Poly Valentine’s dance, the boyfriend brings a gift bag with 2 things that are so ‘me’. Which makes me feel guilty because I only got him candy. And the day after Valentine’s day, on our date night, the husband gives me a gift right before bed. He’s excited about it…and it helped that he found it on sale the day after Valentine’s Day. I’m betting he fell into the same trap that I did about seeing the other partners giving gifts. It would have been ok if I hadn’t crossed that line, but I did. Which means he’d be the only one not giving a gift. He didn’t want to be THAT guy that society warns us about. The guy that is taking us for granted because he didn’t profess his love on the one day of the year that he should. Oh wait. The second day of the year. The first day is an anniversary day. Can’t forget that.
 
So, I’ve decided that if I’m going to give gifts of love, I’ll do it throughout the year at random. And the real gift I give him next Valentine’s Day, is the note before-hand that I don’t intend to buy him anything. That will be the best gift of all.
 

Now, to get through our anniversary in a couple of weeks. I’ve already bought him something and let him know ;) 
Comments

Stress VS. Meditation

 meditation

It’s funny how even good things can cause stress. But, funnier still how meditation can help with how you handle stress. Though, is it meditation, my medication or a combination? Probably a combination, but I have no interest in stopping my ptsd medication any time soon, in case that is helping out here.
 
We are buying a new house. Well, actually, my husband’s girlfriend is buying a new house and we are moving in. Yet, it’s not a single home. It’s 2 homes connected by a door. The ad for the house said ‘3 bedroom home with a mother-in-law suite’. Well, It’s not a suite, it’s a house! A 3 bedroom 2-story house, with a 3 bedroom ranch attached to it. The unicorn of poly houses!

So, exciting, right? Yes, and no. Dan and I haven’t lived with another person in 6 years. It’s just been us in our cozy little nest. Now we are going to be in a large house, and have another person attached to it. Yes, there is a door, but there is still someone on the other side. There will be a lot more sharing of space. As 2 introverts, I’m just not sure how we will handle it. The dog will love it, I’m sure.

This means packing. Lots of packing. Every spare moment, which there isn’t a lot of, is spent packing. Especially since we are having our yard sale this Saturday. Why? When there is 3 weeks till closing? 4 weeks until move in date? Because Dan and I are presenting in Indianapolis and Michigan the 2 weekends before closing. These have been scheduled for a long time and are both events that we’ve never done before. So, we don’t want to cancel because of that, and because presenting feeds our souls. It recharges us. I NEED to be able to present, to teach, to share……otherwise all this crap I’ve been through wasn’t worth it. I use it to help others in our presentations and intensives.
 
And gluttons for punishment, we also did a poly intensive last weekend. 6 hours teaching 14 people. Exhausting, but so much fun! Except for one couple……oy! And drove to Cleveland on a weeknight to present on power exchange to a group up there.
But, back to stress. House, packing, the stress of finding a house, the stress of waiting to see if the house is really going to close, packing. Intensive, prepping for intensive, packing. Presenting, prepping for presentations. The podcast, interviewing for the podcast. The Room, opening and closing for groups at the room.

That’s not enough. Not only are we closing on a house and getting ready to live with someone, and having to change my mind from the resistance, but we are also newly in a business partnership with 2 other couples, getting ready to make the biggest adult ‘community center’, aka dungeon/party/workshop space in the Midwest (except maybe GD2 in Chicago). The building should close with the bank within the next week. So, that means staff meetings. And paperwork, and lawyers and zoning meetings. Luckily I don’t have to do the zoning meetings or the lawyers, but I do have to be involved in the directors meetings and have a saw on the paperwork. So much email back and forth.

House, moving in with husbands girlfriend, business partnership, new building for business, closing CIC over the next couple of months, packing……did I mention packing? Not only the apartment but the CIC.

AND we are in the advertising stages of our event, Beyond the Love! Thank goodness for a great staff and car rides. Why car rides? For our BTL producers meetings. That’s when we talk over all the stuff that needs to be done.

Oy!!! Why does it feel like I’ve left out something?

Oh yes. Dan’s first ex-wife texted me a couple of weeks ago, needing a shoulder. I was her shoulder when she started her healing path, and then she got pissed at me and we didn’t talk for a few years. Then, she found me on facebook and we are cordial to each other. But, one night, a Wednesday night because Dan wasn’t home, she texted me. She was close to a nervous break down and just needed to vent. I was her shoulder. It felt weird, but comfortable at the same time. It’s what I do.
 
Then, even more recently, my sister wrote me out of the blue. Another person that I was helping with her healing path, and then she got pissed at me after being diagnosed with cancer and stopped talking to me. This was after having daily communication.
 
Stress. I’ve got stress. I’ve got stress by the bucket load.
 
It doesn’t help that I’ve put exercise and meditation to the side to make room for everything else. These 2 things are crucial to my survival. Truly!
 
Meditation is believe is the only way I’ve survived all of this. It allows me to take everything one moment at a time. I keep a task list so that I don’t forget all that needs to be done, but otherwise, it’s one step at a time. I can’t worry about everything that is going on. I’ve learned to delegate somewhat. And I breathe. I take moments to just sit with me. And I breathe.
 
Mediation, slowing down my thought process. Feeling when things could shift into depression or anxiety. This has kept me from jumping off the deep end or hiding under the covers or totally losing my mind. Which is a good thing, since these are all wonderful things that are happening.
 
In a month, everything will be different. We will be in the house. The new business building will be bought and will be in the process of transformation. Or it won’t.
 
It’s about the journey…and slowing down the mind with meditation, allows me to smell the roses while everything on the outside feels a little chaotic.
 

Back to meditation in the morning for me. 


Comments

Stepping out of my shell

Well, I stepped out of my comfort zone yesterday and decided to do something with the ‘poly pod’. Why do i call it the ‘poly pod’? Well, i’m not comfortable with ‘family’, as my kids and granddaughter are my ‘family’. i like ‘tribe’ and ‘clan’ except that some of us don’t really interact with others of us, and some are new to the mix. So, ‘poly pod’ just seemed to pop into my head. i’m sure i’ve heard of it somewhere recently.

polyamory8



Doing all of this research on introverts had me thinking that i really do need to work at nurturing relationships. So, let’s do a potluck with all of us. And that’s what i’ve put together. That way none of have to decide who to spend time with. bat has her new girlfriend down, Karen it dating someone new, i’d like to spend time with my boyfriend but don’t want to leave my husband or his wife behind, and i’m betting Dan likes having his girls all together. A potluck sounded like a good idea.

It’s going to be food....and boardgames, on neutral territory. Well, neutral for the most part since Dan and i own the space. But, it’s not specifically someones house where anyone would feel like a guest instead of a peer.

Part of me is looking forward to it....part of me already wants to go hiking in the woods.

Comments

Positive Thinking in Poly



think-positive


From ‘Daily Om - As Blessed As You Want to Be’ - 10/11/13
‘Positive thinking dramatically increases your
chances of success in any endeavor. When you’re sure that you are worthy and that achievement is within your grasp, you start to relax and look for solutions rather than dwelling on problems. You are more likely to imagine positive situations or outcomes and disregard the thoughts related to giving up, failure, or roadblocks. What the mind expects, it finds. If you anticipate joy, good health, happiness, and accomplishment, then you will experience each one. Thinking positively may sound like a simple shift in attention – and it is – but it is a mind-set that must be developed. Whenever a negative thought enters your mind, try immediately replacing it with a constructive or optimistic one. With persistence, you can condition your mind to judge fleeting, self- defeating thoughts as inconsequential and dismiss them.’

This is part of an email that gets delivered to my email daily; the Daily Om. And I kept this one because it really spoke to me in so many ways.

Positive thinking....I’ve been told many times over the years, as I’ve tried to pull myself from the Dark Night of the Soul that I was experiencing, that it just a matter of changing my mind to be positive. That suggestion really pissed me off. I was going through the most horrendous time of my life, not counting the sexual abuse as a child, and the person I had gone to for help, told me to change my mind and be positive. I literally wanted to punch them, except that it would take too much energy on my part, and I would rather have gone to bed, if the truth be told.

During that time in my life, I was too deep in the black hole to just change my mind and be ok. I got professional help on the order of my Master/husband. I learned more tools. It took awhile, but slowly I pulled out of the spiral.

That was a few years back. Since then I’ve put some of those tools to work, and believe it or not, positive thinking (manual mode) has been one of the tools that I rely on heavily, and I usually use it with another tool, a mantra.

When my husband and I were going through a rough time in our poly dynamic, we both needed to learn some skills, a mantra was my saving grace. Then, when I learned about ‘manual mode’, I used the mantra to start me off in a private positive thinking mode to pull me out of whatever triggered me. That’s a great way to use positive thinking and I teach it to many as a tool for poly and for power exchange dynamics. I guess it could be used in a regular relationship, but I don’t have much experience with that, simply because my vanilla partners weren’t interested in personal growth. It’s only been the alternative relationships that have been interested in that.

There are a couple of ways positive thinking can be beneficial when it comes to relationships then. With my husband, if I was triggered, I taught myself the mantra, ‘Love, Trust, Faith’. I loved him and knew that he loved me. I trusted him completely. I had Faith that we would succeed and that the Universe had put us together as partners for a reason. That mantra allowed me to breathe and to line up my emotions so that I could think clearly instead of in a negative, triggered state. Positive Thinking.

The other way it’s beneficial is that the longer you live with positive experiences with positive thinking, the more positive things happen. Specifically in poly, I find that the more I experience, the more confident I am. The more I relax. The more I’m ok with the outcome, regardless of what it may be, because I know I’ll be ok. The more positive I am, the more expansive I am. People feel that and are drawn towards it.

I believe that is what allowed my secondary relationship to happen. We started off with a big mis-understanding right off the bat and I believe it’s because I kept a positive attitude about it that it worked out. If I had been negative, I would have walked away, not believing I deserved a positive outcome.

I like being in that positive state. It brings such opportunities and blessings.

Comments

Submission

If anyone is actually reading this blog, you will notice that my posts jump all over the place. From reflecting about Qadishti, Weightloss, Walking, Bodhisattva, Oracle cards, and other random items...every now and then I also ramble about my power exchanges experiences....in my case at this moment, submission.
submissiveness_by_glamurosa666-d4qo8wg
I usually reflect on topics like this in my personal journal, but can’t think of any reason not to share it on here.

I only wanted to mention it because in the last 2 weeks, I’ve had 2 different people tell me that they are interested in me, because of my acceptance of my desire to submit and serve. They don’t want to own me. They understand I am owned and respect the relationship that Master and I have. But, they want to taste what i have to offer. And being in a poly relationship allows me to explore these ‘tasting’ opportunities.

One person in my life is truly enjoying my submissive tendencies, though he is only interested in it from a bedroom perspective and won’t let me serve him (huh, something else to blog about). He likes that i like pain and trust him enough to let him try some things that he used to be able to do with a previous partner, but his wife is totally not into.

The next person, wrote me recently to let me know that the fact that i embrace my submissive/slave side, totally turns him on and he wants to explore that with me. He wants to taste it. He said thinking about experiencing a piece of that energy himself, well....what he said it does to him, i will leave for the personal journal.

My submissiveness nature, is being found as something that is hot. I’m not used to that. It’s been mentioned that the slutty side of me is seen as hot, not the submissive side though. I’m going to sit with this for awhile.
Comments

Labeling Emotions

Labeling emotions is a skill that I never developed as a child. When I was growing up, everything was labeled under their big umbrella terms: hate, love, fear, anger, happy, etc.

Since deciding to live in a Power Exchange relationship and to embrace Polyamorous love styles, it’s important to learn the emotions that are nuances of the bigger umbrella emotions. This takes skill and time and dedication.

Why do I bring this up? Because after all these years, it would be nice to be better at this. I had a moment just before my weekend conference where I was triggered with a feeling and the only thing I could think to label it as was ‘hurt’. But, even when I was writing the person about how I was feeling, I had to put a question mark after ‘hurt’...and then wondered through typing, if it was actually ‘jealousy’ or ‘envy’, but had to put question marks after those as well.

It wasn’t until attending a workshop on Saturday at the Winter Wickedness event here in Columbus, OH that I discovered a word that felt better. It was a poly workshop by Cunning Mynx and someone brought up the word, ‘insecure’. Hah! That’s what the label was that I was looking for!

And this is why labels in general can be beneficial tools for me. Now that I know what it is, I can work on demantleing it, breaking it apart. ‘Hurt’?, ‘Jealous’?, and ‘Envious’? I can’t work with, because they have question marks. Insecure, I can work with logically, which helps me work through it emotionally at some point.

Yeah for workshops!
Comments