Positive thinking

How Full is Your Bucket?

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How Full is Your Bucket?
Being a Bodhisatva

I just read this book on our drive to Chicago yesterday. I was able to read it in 40 minutes. It was written by a major person in the creation of positive psychology and his grandson and was a very easy read.

Basically, it’s about having a bucket that you try to keep full with positivity. Each person has a bucket. Positive actions towards others fills their buckets and in turn fills yours. Negative actions towards others empties their buckets. They don’t mention that being negative empties your own bucket, but i believe it does.

It also mentions that you shouldn’t be around those that empty your bucket. There is a part of me that doesn’t always believe that. If everyone walks away from those that empty buckets/are negative, that’s going to leave a lot of lonely people out there on their own. If people had left me when i was going through my negative times, i’d be in worse shape now. it was the support of those that stayed with me, that helped me out.

Well, i’ve been letting this book percolate within me since reading it....and what is coming together for me is that being someone that learns to fill other peoples buckets, is a bodhisatva. Yet, a bodhisatva will also fill the buckets of those that dip into others buckets more than they fill them.

Though, there is a line. There are some people that attempt to fill buckets, but aren’t true with their actions. It’s pretend for them because they think it’s more about the actions instead of about truth and really feeling positive about something. I can tell if someone says something ‘positive’ to me or gives me a gift...but they aren’t really feeling it. To me, that feels like manipulation. Don’t try to fill my bucket because you want me to feel a certain way. i’m not sure that i’m explaining that correctly.

i’m going to have to think about it a little more.


Positive Thinking in Poly


From ‘Daily Om - As Blessed As You Want to Be’ - 10/11/13
‘Positive thinking dramatically increases your
chances of success in any endeavor. When you’re sure that you are worthy and that achievement is within your grasp, you start to relax and look for solutions rather than dwelling on problems. You are more likely to imagine positive situations or outcomes and disregard the thoughts related to giving up, failure, or roadblocks. What the mind expects, it finds. If you anticipate joy, good health, happiness, and accomplishment, then you will experience each one. Thinking positively may sound like a simple shift in attention – and it is – but it is a mind-set that must be developed. Whenever a negative thought enters your mind, try immediately replacing it with a constructive or optimistic one. With persistence, you can condition your mind to judge fleeting, self- defeating thoughts as inconsequential and dismiss them.’

This is part of an email that gets delivered to my email daily; the Daily Om. And I kept this one because it really spoke to me in so many ways.

Positive thinking....I’ve been told many times over the years, as I’ve tried to pull myself from the Dark Night of the Soul that I was experiencing, that it just a matter of changing my mind to be positive. That suggestion really pissed me off. I was going through the most horrendous time of my life, not counting the sexual abuse as a child, and the person I had gone to for help, told me to change my mind and be positive. I literally wanted to punch them, except that it would take too much energy on my part, and I would rather have gone to bed, if the truth be told.

During that time in my life, I was too deep in the black hole to just change my mind and be ok. I got professional help on the order of my Master/husband. I learned more tools. It took awhile, but slowly I pulled out of the spiral.

That was a few years back. Since then I’ve put some of those tools to work, and believe it or not, positive thinking (manual mode) has been one of the tools that I rely on heavily, and I usually use it with another tool, a mantra.

When my husband and I were going through a rough time in our poly dynamic, we both needed to learn some skills, a mantra was my saving grace. Then, when I learned about ‘manual mode’, I used the mantra to start me off in a private positive thinking mode to pull me out of whatever triggered me. That’s a great way to use positive thinking and I teach it to many as a tool for poly and for power exchange dynamics. I guess it could be used in a regular relationship, but I don’t have much experience with that, simply because my vanilla partners weren’t interested in personal growth. It’s only been the alternative relationships that have been interested in that.

There are a couple of ways positive thinking can be beneficial when it comes to relationships then. With my husband, if I was triggered, I taught myself the mantra, ‘Love, Trust, Faith’. I loved him and knew that he loved me. I trusted him completely. I had Faith that we would succeed and that the Universe had put us together as partners for a reason. That mantra allowed me to breathe and to line up my emotions so that I could think clearly instead of in a negative, triggered state. Positive Thinking.

The other way it’s beneficial is that the longer you live with positive experiences with positive thinking, the more positive things happen. Specifically in poly, I find that the more I experience, the more confident I am. The more I relax. The more I’m ok with the outcome, regardless of what it may be, because I know I’ll be ok. The more positive I am, the more expansive I am. People feel that and are drawn towards it.

I believe that is what allowed my secondary relationship to happen. We started off with a big mis-understanding right off the bat and I believe it’s because I kept a positive attitude about it that it worked out. If I had been negative, I would have walked away, not believing I deserved a positive outcome.

I like being in that positive state. It brings such opportunities and blessings.