Post op

Surgery post op 23 days

Post Op - Day 23

(small trigger alert)

I’m working through my frustration at still having these 2 drains in. I thought all 4 would be out by day 10. The first 2 were, but these last 2 are hanging in. I know it’s for my own good, since they are still draining, but it’s frustrating. I want to try on some clothes that I’ve never been able to get into before.

I’ve been posting pics from 10 years ago, from when I used to dress up in costumes (LARPing)…and I still have those costumes. I want to try them on and take some before/after pics. That is what will make this surgery and it’s results more real.

I did have someone suggest that I go to a psychologist and make sure that I’m in a happy place with the results of this surgery. It actually makes sense. I know more than a couple of people that have gained weight back after surgery like this. This surgery was too expensive for me to allow that to happen.

But, it could. I got this large for a reason. And the first time I lost a significant amount of weight and someone made a positive comment on how great I looked, I gained it all back, plus more.

Why? Because of a simple comment made by my perp as a child….’if you weren’t so pretty, I just can’t help myself’. So, my weight was my protection against guys that ‘couldn’t help themselves’. I know that that is all horseshit….and it’s not my fault that they molested me……but I can guarantee that that is what my head thought when it came to me gaining weight and not being able to get it off and keep it off.

But, now I have. Almost 100 pounds off. And I’m excited to see what I’m going to look like in sexy clothes.

If I could just get these 2 drains out.

I wish I was younger to enjoy this though. I’ll be 50 this year. But, better now than never.

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Surgery post op 15 days

Post OP 15 days

More mobile, though I still can’t put on my own socks

I’m going through moments of boredom, which is leading to some sadness.

Only taking a few pain pills a day.

We are going to try a trip to Dayton to celebrate Christmas Eve with some special people

Feet are cold. Have to wait for Dan to come home before I can get socks.

Watching commercial TV.. Can only take so much Netflix.

Almost have my first scarf of the season crocheted.

I’ve taken some before/after pics. But, because I’m in my underwear, I’m not putting them online yet
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Surgery post op 12 days

…..why get a belt lipectomy?

Here I am 12 days post op. I sit here typing, waiting for the pain pills to kick in as I watch Netflix and have a cat walking over me…wanting to sit in my lap, not happy that I’m using a laptop on her nesting pillow.

I’m totally exhausted after wrapping gifts with a friend for a couple of hours. There’s no way I could have done this all myself. I’ve had 3 naps and am doing all I can at the moment to stay awake so that I can finish my daily motivations required by Master. I’ll make sure to spread my duties over the course of the day so as to not wear myself out.

I can’t do any exercise at the moment. Staying awake to get anything done is challenging. I dropped my phone on the floor and it took some creativity to get to it since I can’t bend over.

I can’t sleep with my husband/Master because I have to sleep upright in this recliner. I can’t snuggle with him on the couch because it’s too low and my skin/muscles are too tight.

I can’t drive to do any last minute Christmas shopping. I’ve been invited out for Christmas Eve by the boyfriend. That will be 90 minutes to his house and 90 minutes back. I’ll have to take pain pills, but I really want to see him.

New Years, same thing. I’ve been invited out and I’m going, but it’s a 2 hour drive each way. Pain pills will be needed.

Can’t return to work until mid-december. Though, I’m not too worried about that….just the cut in pay part at the end of my time off. But, we’ll take care of that.

So, why?

I’ve done a little writing about it so far. But, don’t know that I’ve gotten deep into my thoughts/feelings.

Why?

I do know that I was unsatisfied with how my body was looking after the weightloss. I’m guessing that’s the main part of it. My skin was so wrinkled and loose. When I laid on my side, I’d have this puddle in front of me that I’d have to work hard at rolling over with. It was like flipping a bowling ball each time I turned over during the night, which was a lot since my hips stay sore.

My clothes never fit right, but is that a reason to go through so much?

Am I doing it for self-confidence?

I’m not so sure. All I know is that it seemed like the right thing to do. I’m just not sure why.

I guess I’ll keep putting the next step forward and see what I can accomplish with this new body.

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