Self-esteem

Built like a tree


I know I shouldn’t be complaining. I know this. And I’m glad I’m healthy. And I know I’ll get used to the new shape of me. But, some moments are easier than others.

On Saturday we had a class to teach on flirting. I just couldn’t find anything to wear. Everything that I tried on, that would have looked ok before, now looked dumpy. I kept trying on skirts and they just hung on me. So, I ended up putting on a tight pair of leggings and a purple sweater with my tall boots. That ended up looking hot! …but I’ve been a skirt girl since joining this power exchange relationship. That’s actually part of our dynamic.

He’s ok with the pants. I’m the one having an issue.

My friend says I’ll find skirts that I enjoy again. I don’t know about that.

The doc says my body is going to shift a little over the next couple of months, so not to worry about it. I’m trying.

I NEED to feel confident at the moment. I NEED to feel sexy. Clothes help that happen for some dumb reason.

Why do I need this? Because otherwise I’m going to feel like I wasted money with this surgery.

The other part? I’ve been hoping the removal of my ‘apron’ would help me feel sexier and more confident. I want to experience more play, more people, more relationships, more sex. If I feel more sexy and confident, this is more likely to happen.

It also has to do with getting ready to turn 50. Not so sure why. 
Oddly enough, I’m having a hard time adjusting to my body in clothes. Other people say I’m looking hot, including my husband, boyfriend, girlfriend and someone else that I’m interested in……but I see myself as a curveless tree. My broad shoulders are now very noticeable again, now that I don’t have hips that are wider than they are. I’m a tree.
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Skunk Medicine

skunk_babies


Over the years of drawing medicine oracle cards....Skunk really spoke to me on a gut level. As a matter of fact, we are pretty sure that skunk is one of Dan’s power animal totems and have embraced that energy since figuring it out. It’s not the power animal he wanted, because it’s small. But, it definitely fits. We even used it as one of the symbols of our Leather House, which we had to explain to the judges when running for title.

What we took away from the message of Skunk, was that we drew people to us that were like us, and repelled those that weren’t. This meant that we never had to throw someone out of one of our groups. They left if they were not like us.

Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how it’s looked at, that energetic connection to others, means that if we are working on something in our lives, usually the people that are also needing to work on the same thing show up in our lives. So, if i’m working on something with my healing path, people with the same issues show up looking for help or mentoring. This can be seen as a blessing, or a challenge.

But, this morning......i drew the skunk card again....and took away more meaning to it that we had forgotten over time.

Reputation - Walking your Talk - Self Esteem permeates your energy field and will be picked up by others - Walk Tall - Be proud of your accomplishments - Self Esteem is your protection

skunks


Skunk - Reputation

Skunk medicine! Go ahead and laugh. This furry little animal has a reputation that contains a great deal of power. Due to its distinctive behavior, humans give this tiny, smelly creature a wide berth. The key word here is “respect.”

Unlike other predatory animals, Skunk does not threaten your life but threatens your senses. You know this to be true if you have ever been in the vicinity of its spray. In observing the habit patterns of Skunk, it is easy to notice the playfulness and nonchalance of its natural behavior. The “I-dare-you” attitude of this four-legged creature commands you, as the observer, to respect its space by mere reputation alone.

Skunk is teaching you that by walking your talk and by respecting yourself, you will create a position of strength and honored reputation. The carriage of your body relates to others what you believe about yourself. There is no need to bully, aggravate, torment, or overpower other beings when your sense of “self” is intact. As with Skunk, the resonant field of energy around your body is relayed through the senses.
Self-esteem permeates the body’s energy, and is instantly recognized on an extrasensory level by others.

Learn to assert, without ego, what you are. Respect follows.
Your self-respectful attitude will repel those who are not of like mind, and yet will attract those who choose the same pathway. As the odor of Skunk attracts others of its kink, it repels those who will not respect its space.

Skunk medicine people have the ability to attract others, and they are very charismatic. At the same time, the other side of their natural power is to repel those who seek, to take energy from them without recycling the gifts they have taken.

Skunk medicine people also know how to use the energy flows that will attract a lover.
Some people call this sexual magic, as it is akin to the musk scent that animals excrete to attract a mate. It can be dangerous to leak sexual energy if you are not looking for a mate. It puts you into a dames condition that may feed your ego but not how others feel about you. If you are attracting others who have an interest in you, you are in sense saying, “I’m available.” This can cause hard feelings when the truth comes out. It also leaks energy that you could have used in a more constructive way.

In Skunk medicine, it is good to learn how to handle energy flows. Modern psychologists call this body language. In tribal teachings, this is your personal medicine which you are showing to others.
Use your medicine well, and know that you are known by your reputation. How you use your energy will attract either honor or disgrace. You may want to examine what energy you are putting out that creates your present situation.

If you have chosen this symbol, you are being asked to notice the kinds of people who are attracted to you. If they emulate favorable characteristics, have enough self-esteem to recognize those characteristics within yourself. Walk tall and be proud of the accomplishments you have made. Bear in mind that what you believe about yourself is your ultimate protection. Project self-respect!


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