I am a slut. What does that mean?

What does being a ‘slut’ mean to me?
This is a hard one ….or so I think.
It shouldn’t be hard. This is a word/label that I’ve identified as for a very long time. Well, since being with Dan and embracing my sexuality. And that’s what it means to me, embracing my sexuality and being comfortable in my skin. Liking sex. Liking sexual energy. Not feeling shame or guild about my sexuality.
I also believe you can be slutty and not have a partner. I can be slutty with myself…and I usually am.
But, I talked with a girl over the weekend from Chicago….someone we have met before, and she self-identifies as a slut. When she described what it meant to her, she used a lot of the same philosophy, but she also threw in the word, ‘quickly’. She ‘quickly’ decides if she wants to have sex with someone, and then does. Dan and I looked at each other across the table and both agreed that even though we self-identify as ‘sluts’, neither of us are quick about it.
I love sex. I love most things to do with sex. I embrace the fact that I’m a sexual being. I love sex with different people. A lot of my life is about sex; presentations, workshops, intensives, podcasts, kinkstarter cards, books, etc. Yet, I’m not quick at all. I won’t just fuck anyone. There are many times that I wish I was much quicker with wanting to fuck someone. But, so far that isn’t my track record.
After talking to her, I actually found that I was turned off by how quick she says she can decide and follow through with fucking someone. There was a guy at the dinner that she was making plans with for that evening. They had just met. I just don’t work that fast. I love sex, but need to get to know the person first, unless it’s someone that Dan has set me up with.
Huh, actually, I take that back. I have met someone before online, gone out to dinner and taken to a hotel room right away. Freaked him out and then he couldn’t perform. He left really quick. So, the one time I decided to follow through with it, it still didn’t happen.

So, yes, I self-identify as a slut. I don’t have many sexual hang-ups and I feel sex is a very important part of my life. If I have an issue with how fast I work at hooking up with someone, I just need to work on that. I’m flirting with someone now, and we’ve been on 2 dates with the express purpose of hooking up. I still haven’t put it together. I need to get moving on that, while he’s still willing. 

Sacred Sexuality and me

So what is it about sacred sexuality that interests me? That’s a hard one. First I have to figure out what sacred sexuality means to me.

Sacred Sexuality actually has at least 2 meanings for me. First, it’s a way of connecting to the divine. The Divine that is the universe and the divine that is in each of us. Huh, that’s only one meaning. I’ve always broken it out into 2, but I think it’s really 1.

It the past, I’ve described it as 2. First would be about using sexual energy to connect to the divine of the universe. ….using sexual energy to merge with the energy of the universe, whether for sex magic or for honoring of the Goddess rituals, or healing rituals or to invoke or evoke God/dess energy. My experiences with this path have been absolutely amazing!

The second way to describe it would be as a way of getting to know someone else and their inner divine. This is where sacred touch comes into play, or learning someone’s inner self through sexual vulnerability.

But, now that I’m sitting here, it’s all one and the same. It’s about using sexual energy as a gateway or as a tool to accomplish something else. Though, with intent of it being sacred. Some people will tell you that all sex is sacred. I disagree. As someone that was sexually abused as a child, I can flat out say that I disagree. There wasn’t anything sacred about that. And that could be why I’m in interested in sex unless it can be on a sacred level.

It can be hard to describe to someone when it’s a feeling in my heart and soul. So, I’ll try to explain……let’s say that a kiss with someone is involved. If it’s just a kiss, then it’s just a kiss. Not a big deal. But, to me, if there is sacred sexuality involved….it’s a kiss that is all about the kiss. My walls drop, my heart opens so that I can feel the other person, all my intent and concentration is on that person, on that moment, on that kiss. To me, that is sacred. It’s the same with touch. I can touch someone, but it’s not until I drop the walls and bring the focus to that touch that it becomes sacred. It’s the same with sex. If it’s just a sexual moment to get your rocks off, purely physical, well, some people would still consider that sacred, and maybe it is…..but that’s not what I’m talking about. If I can just be in the moment, and totally feel the connection with the other person, and have it be more than about a physical release, that’s sacred sexuality to me. That’s the connection I crave with someone.

I also use sexual energy to reach the divine in general. This may be a little harder for some to conceptualize. So, let’s see if I can explain. Let’s say I want to offer healing energy to a group of people. I could pray, I could send light, I could do a lot of things. Now think of the power behind sexual energy. If I’m self pleasuring or fucking while I’m sending this energy, think of the mega-bomb of power behind it, especially at the time of orgasm.

I’ve participated in rituals like this and crave doing so again. I’ve invoked and evoked powerful energies to accomplish this healing and/or manifestations. I’ve been so open that during edging or orgasm, I’ve experienced a merging with the universe. It’s absolutely amazing.

The problem I have found though, is that once I experienced this (with Dan early in our relationship before we even knew this way of connecting existed), it’s hard to go back to physical sex. I’ve confused people by not wanting to orgasm….and I just can’t explain to them that it’s because it’s physical….i want the sacred/emotional/connection to all, to be involved. If I can be in a situation where I can drop my walls, be vulnerable, and feel the other person or the universe……that’s my preference, that’s my hunger.


I’m just getting started with what sacred sexuality means to me, but it’s time to walk the dog and get to work. I’ll be thinking about this all day.