Poly Book Review

OK…..i don’t usually bash other peoples books…..but….

It’s very frustrating to come across a book on a topic that you’d like to read more about, and then realize that it’s full of mis-information. Usually I would get upset and stop reading the book, but instead I’m using it as fodder for writing about my thoughts on the subject.

The subject is Polyamory. The book is ‘The Polyamorous Relationship: Discover What it is, How it Works, and Whether or Not It’s Right for You’ by Peter Landry.

Right off the bat, in the introduction, I was like ‘WTF’. In the introduction, he talks about how his first experience with poly was when he found out that his great grandmother had bought a woman for his great grandfather, because she didn’t want any more children by him. The author considered this to be poly. Hello, this is slavery not poly, regardless of the fact that they lived together. The first descriptor that many of us use when we talk about poly, is how it’s ethical. I don’t believe that buying another human being is ethical, so therefore call it what it is.

I can’t find any more information on this author, so I have no clue if he himself is poly or not. But, by the way the book is written, I’d have to say that he isn’t. For one, right off the bat, he confuses poly and swinging. He says that poly is the umbrella term, and swinging falls under that umbrella term. What? Sorry, they are 2 different lifestyles that fall under the umbrella term, ‘non-monogamy’.

Chapter 1 is titled: Considering a Polyamorous Relationship? In this chapter he talks about the fact that he ‘knows’ people that live this life and therefore he’s ‘in a unique position to address this subject.’….again, WTF? That would be like me saying, ‘I know people that are in the military, so that puts me in a unique position to write about military life.’

Chapter 2 is titled: Swinging with Swingers. Really. Here we are at the beginning we are going to talk about swinging in a poly book? As I read through this chapter I had to read parts aloud to Dan and Karen, who had the same response that I did. …..’WTF?’. This author says that all swingers are couples and that most do it to save their marriages, and that they are all looking to find other couples to swap partners with. Not true. I know many singles that are swingers. And some that don’t swing with their partners if they have partners, and some that swing with some poly partners but not others. There is no box and the fact that this guy builds a box, tells me he doesn’t have much experience.

OH…..and he says this which even had me feeling icky……’Some men don’t like being touched by other men (ditto with women). If you want to try swinging to explore your gay side, make that very clear before all four of you hop into the car for the drive home.’ Wow, if I want to explore my GAY side…..really?

Chapter 3 is titled: Understanding Polyfidelity. Why would you go from a couple of paragraphs about considering poly in chapter 1, to swinging in chapter 2, to polyfidelity? Ok whatever, I’m not the author of a poly book (yet), so will reserve judgement on the order of chapters. There is plenty of other stuff that has my panties in a wad. ….Chapter 3. Though the title says ‘Understanding Polyfidelity’, he goes on to talk about different types of relationship configurations. One of the ones he talks about is the ‘V’. “Vs are usually temporary because two members have a stronger bond and were already together when the third person entered the relationship.’ I know a couple of people in V’s that would explode at this idea.
OK…..on to Chapter 4